Why Oversharing Is Important

Hi guys! Sorry this is going up today instead of yesterday, but yesterday I was surprised with free tickets to see Cliff Richard in concert that night! Crazy times... Anyways, today's post is about why is it so so so important to overshare.

Now, oversharing, by definition, is:

revealing an inappropriate amount of detail about one's personal life.

However, I don't think that oversharing is inappropriate at all! (For clarity, I am referring to oversharing within family groups, or groups of friends. NOT with colleagues/strangers/your boss.) I overshare massively with my friends, and they do with me. When one of us has awful cramps, or is worried about a spot on her boob, or isn't sure whether something she does is normal or not, we're all there to help her out. Without oversharing about your issues, how are you going to know how to solve them? I mean, of course, there's the internet, but it's a lot easier and more reliable to get the info directly from your friends. Plus, in the case of cramps, she'll probably give you some ibuprofen which she wouldn't have known you needed if you didn't overshare.

Secondly, oversharing is so essential to friend groups because it's important to know what's going on in one another's lives, and if you can help them out. If someone is going through a hard time with their friend/partner/parent/sibling/life, then knowing that will make you as a friend more wary of their feelings, and you won't be shocked and not know what's going on if they suddenly break down and cry.

Thirdly, almost every single person in the world worries that they aren't 'normal', especially in regards to the parts of us that we can't easily check. You know if your arm or your face is 'abnormal', because you can always see everyone else's and compare them, but when it comes to more intimate areas we don't have that luxury. Plus, when you're an insecure teenager (or adult, for that matter), you don't want to go to the doctor and see if everything's okay because what if they accidentally embarrass you? What if nothing's wrong and you're making a fuss? What if something is wrong? But, when you overshare with friends (preferably of the same gender for this one), you realise that you aren't the only one worrying about tiny things. Most likely, you're totally 'normal', but sometimes it's nice to be able to talk about the same issues without the prying ears of someone you wouldn't be comfortable talking about it with. Plus, if your problem is not suffered by at least one of your friends, maybe that's a sign to go to the doctor when you otherwise wouldn't have. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

In conclusion, not only does oversharing bring you closer to yourself and your friends, it could also save a life one day.

Dear 15-Year-Old Me

To Charlotte, circa April 2015.

It's okay.

People don't care as much as you think they do. They don't care about your weight, or your size, or the way your hair sticks out at an odd angle when you've slept funny. They aren't bothered if your makeup doesn't look like it normally does, or if you do a little worse than usual on a test. All of these things only affect you, and everyone feels the same about themselves.

Despite all of these things that everyone else doesn't care about, they do care about you. Your friends are just that: friends. Cherish the moments you spend with them and know that you deserve to spend time with them. You're gonna go through some hard times with them (and some harder times without them), but you're also gonna make some memories that you'll never, ever want to forget. Make time for friends, you don't always have to be waiting for someone else to make plans. Furthermore, you don't have to say yes to every plan you're offered. If you need some alone time, have some. You're only human, and you need to remember that. But then, you do have to leave the house at some point. Being cooped up isn't good for anyone, it just forces you to stew in your thoughts and riles up your inner storm.

Be thankful for the friends you currently have (I'm sure thankful that you had them), and don't take them for granted because one day you won't be as close or even know them at all, and that won't have to be sad if you take all that you can get from the relationships while they last. On the subject of friends, don't be scared of being alone. When you go to college you'll meet the most amazing people who will quickly become an extension of yourself. These wonderful people will make you want to get up at 5:30am, just so you can see them. Make sure to thank your current friends and future friends regularly because they deserve to know how important and valued they are.

Make sure to thank your family too. They might get on your nerves a lot (honestly I wonder if that'll ever change), but they do mean well, and they won't be there forever. Thankfully they are whilst I'm writing this, but you're already thinking about next steps and moving on and moving out and moving away, so treasure the time you have left with them. Tell the people you love that you love them more than you think you should, because sometimes people need to hear it.

You're changing at the moment; your ideals are becoming less skewed and your beliefs are finally emerging. Embrace this change; stop fighting it. Trust me, you'll love it once you're settled in yourself. Things for you now aren't all that good, but I promise you that they will be. You'll be happy, you'll start finally living, as opposed to just being, surviving. You're gonna drag yourself out of this hole and it's gonna be hard, but oh boy will it be worth it. You don't know how to accept help at the moment but you'll need to; you can't do this by yourself. It's not weak to need saving. You're strong, stronger than you perceive yourself to be. Use that strength to save yourself and then to save others.

This hard time won't last forever.
Neither will this year.
Neither will secondary school.
But your happiness can, you just have to fight for it. You are worthy of so much more than you think. Love others, love yourself, and above all else remember to spread joy wherever possible.

Also stop being a dick, you really get on my nerves.

From Charlotte, circa November 2016.

The Importance Of Friendship

All too often, and particularly by the older generation, friendships are overlooked as trivial and unimportant, whereas truly they are so much more than that. I've been through a time when I had very little, if any, friendship in my life, and I'm sure that either you or someone you know has had the same. If so, then you'll agree that a life without friends is a very tough one indeed. Friends aren't there solely to make you laugh (although that's also extremely important in life), but also to pick you up when you're down, and spend those not-so-funny times with you.
When you're sad, a good friend will be there to cheer you up, just as you will have done when they were upset. When you're happy, a good friend will be there to share the joy with you - this, in essence, is the reward of friendship, if you can analogise it to a game of sorts. If you are truly someone's friend, your heart will lift when you see them smiling, and you will feel their joy as they do.
About a year and a half ago, I was essentially friendless. I was unhappy, of course, but also my physical and mental health were at their worst, and I only left my house to go to school. In contrast, now, my life is full of friendship and happiness and health, and I couldn't be more overjoyed that I have found people whom I am more than proud to call my friends.
Friendship isn't just about happiness, though. A friend is there to talk, to listen, to cry to, and to help you, almost to be your second brain. A one-way friendship will never succeed, as you shouldn't receive without giving, especially not something as precious and personal as friendship. If a friend is seriously ill, you should be there for them, and you should trust that they will be there for you. Even though this oath of trust is so integral to forming a uniting friendship, you still shouldn't blame your friends if they do something wrong, or for a moment have skewed priorities. They are, after all, only human, just as you and I are. we must al remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that's alright as long as we learn from them.

A friend is a brother or sister, a family member, but one that you choose: 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Society has twisted this phrase, and I bet most of you know it only as 'blood is thicker than water', meaning that blood connection are more important than relationships which you have chosen for yourself, but this is not true. That's also not to say that family bonds are unimportant, as I love my family to pieces, but for people who haven't had the rosy experience of family which I have been so lucky to have, I feel that this saying is demeaning and belittles their feelings. The true saying, however, is different but I don't believe it must be opposite. The 'blood of the covenant' means bonds made by choice, which could be either friendships or familial relationships, even though the 'water of the womb' clearly refers only to family.
Please take from this one thing; cherish your relationships with family and friends. A union formed by choice is always important, regardless of whether your DNA is similar or not! A friend can become family, as to me, family doesn't mean related.
It means love.

I Am... A College Student

Happy November! A new month marks a new Wednesday series, and this month's is entitled 'I Am...'. Here's the first post of this series: I Am A College Student. Enjoy!

In September this year, I started at sixth from college. From the secondary school I came from, nearly all of my close friends joined me at college, with only a few of them going to different colleges. I'm pretty sure that had this not been the case, I'd have found the transfer a heck of a lot more difficult. Although my friend group has changed hugely since starting sixth form, the first few days were made a lot less lonely by knowing people from secondary school. If you're worried about starting secondary school or college or even university, please don't be! At the beginning, everyone's in the same situation - nervous about knowing no one! It's very easy to make friends, even if you are a little socially awkward (like me, I admit).

With regards to workload, this transfer is also rather hard, but it's just something you have to embrace and work with. In my experience, you get more homework, the lessons are longer (and therefore far more tiring), and the work itself is more thorough and detailed. However, you have free periods during the day which are perfect for homework, meaning that if you're lucky, you won't actually have to do any homework! Longer lessons may seem like a drag to begin with, but you'll soon adapt to a new schedule and will realise you need more time to go through everything thoroughly. The work is more detailed, but you'll learn so much more than at GCSE level, so it's worth it!

But college isn't just work. You'll make new friends, get closer to old friends, and grow as a person yourself because of them. Personally, I adore my new friend group, just as I continue to adore my old friend group, even if I don't see them as often anymore. Their absence may seem sad, but in reality it's not sad; it's life. You'll always have opportunities to change and develop your personality and values, and I think that you should always take them. I started college with a circle of my friends from secondary school and now, not even two months in, I've got to know their new friends, and their friends' friends, and their friends' friends' friends and... 

Another part of college, more so in the second year but it's always good to be prepared, is choosing universities. If you were brought up like me, you'll have been taught that the only acceptable path is school, college, uni, job. That's not actually correct. If you don't want to go to uni, or you don't think enrolling will benefit you, then by no means do you have to go. But even if you don't think uni will be for you, research a few, you may be pleasantly surprised! And remember, not all universities are in your home country - you have the chance to travel!

A couple of months ago, I attended the Fulbright USA College Fair in London. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I was very pleasantly surprised. Essentially, it was a chance to meet representatives from hundreds of American universities, and discuss your future options with them. It's so refreshing to speak to someone in person nowadays, as opposed to a cold, impersonal email conversation. If you ever get the chance to attend a seminar or fair or a similar kind, I urge you to go. Even if you don't think you're going to study abroad, you might as well be positive that you don't want to, or have your mind changed. I'm still not too sure what country I want to study in, but the Fulbright fair really opened my eyes to the options I have, and clearly spelled out what I should be doing currently to get myself where I want to go. 

In summary, being a college student is tough. It's long days (hello leaving at 6:30am and getting home at 5:30pm), hard work, and non-stop consolidation learning. But it's also meeting new people, experiencing different cultures, and attaining more independence than you've had before. 

It's new. It's different. But that 100% doesn't mean it's bad.

Don't be scared about change. Change allowed us to evolve into sentient beings (with opposable thumbs!), and change will allow you to flourish. Embrace it.