The Importance Of Friendship

All too often, and particularly by the older generation, friendships are overlooked as trivial and unimportant, whereas truly they are so much more than that. I've been through a time when I had very little, if any, friendship in my life, and I'm sure that either you or someone you know has had the same. If so, then you'll agree that a life without friends is a very tough one indeed. Friends aren't there solely to make you laugh (although that's also extremely important in life), but also to pick you up when you're down, and spend those not-so-funny times with you.
When you're sad, a good friend will be there to cheer you up, just as you will have done when they were upset. When you're happy, a good friend will be there to share the joy with you - this, in essence, is the reward of friendship, if you can analogise it to a game of sorts. If you are truly someone's friend, your heart will lift when you see them smiling, and you will feel their joy as they do.
About a year and a half ago, I was essentially friendless. I was unhappy, of course, but also my physical and mental health were at their worst, and I only left my house to go to school. In contrast, now, my life is full of friendship and happiness and health, and I couldn't be more overjoyed that I have found people whom I am more than proud to call my friends.
Friendship isn't just about happiness, though. A friend is there to talk, to listen, to cry to, and to help you, almost to be your second brain. A one-way friendship will never succeed, as you shouldn't receive without giving, especially not something as precious and personal as friendship. If a friend is seriously ill, you should be there for them, and you should trust that they will be there for you. Even though this oath of trust is so integral to forming a uniting friendship, you still shouldn't blame your friends if they do something wrong, or for a moment have skewed priorities. They are, after all, only human, just as you and I are. we must al remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that's alright as long as we learn from them.

A friend is a brother or sister, a family member, but one that you choose: 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Society has twisted this phrase, and I bet most of you know it only as 'blood is thicker than water', meaning that blood connection are more important than relationships which you have chosen for yourself, but this is not true. That's also not to say that family bonds are unimportant, as I love my family to pieces, but for people who haven't had the rosy experience of family which I have been so lucky to have, I feel that this saying is demeaning and belittles their feelings. The true saying, however, is different but I don't believe it must be opposite. The 'blood of the covenant' means bonds made by choice, which could be either friendships or familial relationships, even though the 'water of the womb' clearly refers only to family.
Please take from this one thing; cherish your relationships with family and friends. A union formed by choice is always important, regardless of whether your DNA is similar or not! A friend can become family, as to me, family doesn't mean related.
It means love.

The Mirror As An Enemy

Young girls grow up hating; hating the mirror, hating the scales, hating the way their hair falls, hating themselves. We're taught to constantly compare ourselves to others: Is her hair better than mine? Why can't I do my makeup like that? How can I get that skinny? All these questions force young girls to measure their worth by their looks, against the looks of others.

But what we should be measuring ourselves by is our compassion, our dreams, our kindness to others. These qualities are the things that are really important, and that we should strive to better ourselves by increasing. But society doesn't teach teenagers to love others, or even to love themselves. In order to blossom and express your love for others, I feel you must first learn to love yourself, and to feel comfortable in your own skin. 

When I was at secondary school, I was constantly worrying about my makeup, my clothes, and my weight. From the age of eleven, I was dieting on and off, which was ridiculous. An eleven-year-old stressing over their figure, before they even had a figure. Society, huh? Once I got to college, where you wear your own clothes as opposed to a uniform, I thought that the judgement and ridicule would only get worse. I thought that people would be excluded from friendship groups if they didn't wear the 'right' clothes, and would be looked upon as a lesser human for the material in which they clothed their body. 

I was wrong.

At college, there is so much more unity and acceptance than I have seen elsewhere in the world in my (admittedly short) existence. Yes, there are cliques - it would be impossible for there not to be. But the people I have met are all so unique and simply acquiescent. I no longer feel worried about what I wear, or if I have a bad hair day. It doesn't matter any more. The things I should be concerned with are (admittedly) my grades, but more importantly, my relationships with other people and with the world, and the way I feel about myself. 

Even as a child, girls are taught that to be beautiful, they must wear mountains of makeup (but mustn't be fake), be a size zero with eye-popping curves (but mustn't obsess about their weight), be model height (but mustn't be too tall), and all this whilst maintaining perfect grades and a kind, funny personality. Plus, they have to have a multitude of hobbies; be an elegant dancer, a gifted singer, an outstanding athlete, and an endless list of other positive adjectives and talent-based nouns. This incessant need for perfection poisons a child's mind, causing them both stress and distress, and in many cases unfortunately leads to mental diseases like anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. 

How this longing for physical attractiveness is planted into a child's head I don't know, but what I do know is that it must change. I refuse to allow myself to be morphed into the brainwashed barbie that I am told I must become. I refuse to allow my child to suffer the feelings of imperfection and inadequacy that have become so commonplace in our society.  We, as a generation, need to stop this detrimental emotional state that has somehow found a home in the mind of every young person. We must not let it's squirming tentacles worm their way into the lives of our daughters and our sons. We can stop this pandemic of self-hate, leading to the eradication of all hate, leaving love. Always love. 

Living In A Shadow

In daily life, children, preteens, and teenagers face a number of pressures: appearance, grades, social life, to name but a few. All of these stresses are detrimental to the young person’s wellbeing and all deserve their own post in order to be discussed and eradicated by receiving the attention the problems deserve. The pressure that I’d like to flag up today, however, is the pressure of living up to other’s successes.

In my family, my mother has a maths degree, my brother has a maths degree, and my other brother went to Oxford to study (you guessed it) maths. Both of my brothers (me being the youngest sibling) studied Maths and Further Maths at college, in addition to Physics/Law/other supremely academic subject. I chose to not follow the path set by my older brothers and am studying Drama, Film, History, and French (the latter two more acceptable to my family). I’ll admit it to you; I was scared to make these choices, because as a child I had always followed in my brothers’ and my parents’ footsteps, and my parents assumed that I’d be heading for university, aiming for Oxbridge as my brothers did. However, I dislike studying Maths and Science, I am disinterested in most academic subjects. I am not trying to belittle them or negate their importance in life, on the contrary! I fully admire people who have chosen to study subjects that I have neither the drive nor the work ethic to study, I envy them in a way. But I adore my chosen subjects, and instead of following my parents’ dream of going to university to study Maths, I’d much rather study Acting or Film Production.

The attached photo showcases just a few of my brothers’ Excellence awards from our secondary school. These awards were given to the top two students in each year for a subject, every year. For our family (I guess you could call us a ‘smart’ family) this meant bringing home a yearly bundle of certificates, in every subject, both academic and not-so. Don’t get me wrong, I also received some of these awards during my time at secondary school, but not nearly so many. From year seven, I felt less accomplished than my brothers. This was further highlighted when I took my GCSEs. The more exam-inclined of my brothers (the Oxford one) managed to achieve 9 A*s and 4 As at GCSE; an incredible feat. But at the time, 12-year-old me wasn’t congratulating him, I had but one thing on my mind: beating him. When I took my GCSEs four years later, I achieved 7 A*s and 5 As. Now, I am ecstatic with my results, as I know I tried my hardest and have achieved what I need to further my education. At the time though, I was devastated. I hadn’t beaten my brother. But in academics, there is no winning and losing. Winning is gaining knowledge, the only loss you can achieve is letting that knowledge fly past you. I know that now, but I was too focused on the data and the numbers to be proud of myself, and that sucks. Royally.

So for me, the pressure of living up to other people’s intelligence came from (and still comes from) my family. However, for a lot of students, this feeling originates from their peers. If you’re a student, take a moment to think of the ‘smart kid’ in one of your classes. Yep, that one (there’s always one). Think of how many times you’ve sneaked a peek at their grade, or heard them complaining about how they ‘only got an A’ when they were hoping for an A*. Think about how that made you feel, looking at your A/B/C/D grade. Young people nowadays all seem to compare themselves to their friends and peers, putting themselves down because of that one test that their friend did better on.

Conversely, think of how the ‘smart kid’ felt when (s)he got an answer wrong in class, and were openly mocked for ‘losing their smart kid status’. An already awkward moment easily turns into one of embarrassment, self-doubt, and self-loathing for a child who, their whole life, has been told that they’re above average. It’s difficult to consider yourself above-average, to be conditioned into thinking that you’re above everybody else, then to be told you’re the same as your peers. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being ‘average’. But there is something wrong with teaching children that they must always be top of the class, or else they have failed. It may seem like you’re just boosting the child’s confidence, but in reality you’re setting that child up for a crash of failure when they find out that maybe they’re not so perfect after all.

Similarly, do not teach an average child that they will never accomplish what the 'smart kid' can. This will also set the child up for failure, crushing their dreams and ambitions even earlier than those of the 'smart kid'. Teachers; I beg of you, do not segregate and label your children as 'smart' and 'average'. This kind of class society is detrimental to everyone involved, though you may not see it at the time. Students; hard as it may be, do not compare yourself to anyone. Focus on improving yourself and growing in your knowledge, not whether you've 'beaten' the person next to you or not. If that's what you're thinking, then no matter your grade, you haven't beaten them at all. Most of all, be your own person, follow your own passions, and live in nobodies shadow!