Petals and People

I wish I was a flower blowing in a summer breeze,
I wish I could sway to and fro, feeding all the bees.
I wish I would be looked upon with love and adoration,
Beautiful as a rose, bright as a carnation.

Instead I am but glanced upon, then at once forgotten.
For I am not a precious bud, I'm much less silk than cotton.
So yes I do wish that I looked so elegant and splendid,
But the beauty of a flower cannot ever be contended.

A human being cannot sway, pushed only by the air,
A human being instead can feel that wind whip through their hair.
For I am not a flower, I cannot ever be,
But I am something even greater: I, my dear, am me.

                                            -c.h.f

When You Feel Down

Stop
 think
  destroy
   create
    dream
     change
      experience
       improve
Start
       living

                                            -c.h.f

Trapped By Stress

First of all, sorry that this post is so late! It was supposed to go up on Wednesday, but because of a family emergency I haven't had a chance to sit down and write until today. Once again, I am very, very sorry. Also, this week marks the last Wednesday of October, meaning that this is also the last week of The Pressures Young People Face. For November (as it's my birth month) the series will be called I Am... . Each Wednesday there will be a post entitled I Am ............ (a word that defines me), and will document my reasons for and against being ............, why I became ............, etc. Let me know if you have any ideas for what December's series should be! Anyway, on with the final post of October's series!

Throughout this series, I've spoken of multiple concerns that young people face daily. Somehow though, I haven't even mentioned exams. Exams, whether they be A Levels, GCSEs, SATs, or even a termly recap, are stressful. There's no doubt about that. Exam stress on top of regular daily teen stresses can be exhausting, demoralising, and can be 'the straw that broke the camel's back', to emulate my mother.
However, exams don't need to be this looming monster that they seem to be. Older people's tales of horrors in exam rooms needn't be true for you. If you're feeling stressed about exams, you have to comprehend why. Have you revised? Have you asked your teacher/peers for help? Have you made sacrifices to cope with the extra work? If the answer to all of these questions is 'no', then it's clear that your attitude is the problem.
But maybe, you've revised every day, you've asked for all the help that you can, and you've given up a little bit of social life to focus more on school work. And still, its not working. You may just need to take a break. This might sound like contrasting advice, but exams affect people differently, and therefore the stresses of exams are conquered differently. In essence, work hard, but not so hard that you're creating even more stress for yourself.

Exams aren't the only stressful thing in a young person's life, though. Many young people have extra stresses both inside and outside of school/college that they have to deal with. In some cases, they may be young carers, or be living off a single-parent income, or have extra responsibilities such as looking after a child (their own or a sibling), or having to work multiple part-time jobs to provide for their families. These young people carry an even larger burden that you or I, so if you ever feel lik the stress is too much, or you think a friend is feeling like this, take some time out of your day to just
Be.
Relax.
Appreciate the world and all it's wonders.
It helps me to take a step back and just breathe, and remind myself that I'm not the most stressed person in the world, and that I can cope. With the right guidance, we all can. Please don't be afraid to ask for help, either from a teacher, a friend, or from me! I'm more than happy to listen to you rant, and to try and give my advice, as I'm sure all of your teachers, and a good portion of your friends will be! If you're seeking my help, visit my Talk To Me! page and follow any of the links there. I must admit my expertise is limited, but I've already experienced SATs and GCSEs and have come out the other side smiling, but I'm more than happy to help you learn or research whatever you need, or to just talk!
If you remember one thing from this post, please let it be that you can cope with anything with the right help, and you're definitely not alone.
You're with me.

Blue

Blue
is a morning sky
and your eyes
glimmering in the sunlight
or a foaming sea
and the two of us splashing
or a child's favourite toy
and your lilting laughter
or the king's suede shoes
and the comfort of you dancing
or the dark night's embrace
and the way I feel without
                          you


                                            -c.h.f

The Mirror As An Enemy

Young girls grow up hating; hating the mirror, hating the scales, hating the way their hair falls, hating themselves. We're taught to constantly compare ourselves to others: Is her hair better than mine? Why can't I do my makeup like that? How can I get that skinny? All these questions force young girls to measure their worth by their looks, against the looks of others.

But what we should be measuring ourselves by is our compassion, our dreams, our kindness to others. These qualities are the things that are really important, and that we should strive to better ourselves by increasing. But society doesn't teach teenagers to love others, or even to love themselves. In order to blossom and express your love for others, I feel you must first learn to love yourself, and to feel comfortable in your own skin. 

When I was at secondary school, I was constantly worrying about my makeup, my clothes, and my weight. From the age of eleven, I was dieting on and off, which was ridiculous. An eleven-year-old stressing over their figure, before they even had a figure. Society, huh? Once I got to college, where you wear your own clothes as opposed to a uniform, I thought that the judgement and ridicule would only get worse. I thought that people would be excluded from friendship groups if they didn't wear the 'right' clothes, and would be looked upon as a lesser human for the material in which they clothed their body. 

I was wrong.

At college, there is so much more unity and acceptance than I have seen elsewhere in the world in my (admittedly short) existence. Yes, there are cliques - it would be impossible for there not to be. But the people I have met are all so unique and simply acquiescent. I no longer feel worried about what I wear, or if I have a bad hair day. It doesn't matter any more. The things I should be concerned with are (admittedly) my grades, but more importantly, my relationships with other people and with the world, and the way I feel about myself. 

Even as a child, girls are taught that to be beautiful, they must wear mountains of makeup (but mustn't be fake), be a size zero with eye-popping curves (but mustn't obsess about their weight), be model height (but mustn't be too tall), and all this whilst maintaining perfect grades and a kind, funny personality. Plus, they have to have a multitude of hobbies; be an elegant dancer, a gifted singer, an outstanding athlete, and an endless list of other positive adjectives and talent-based nouns. This incessant need for perfection poisons a child's mind, causing them both stress and distress, and in many cases unfortunately leads to mental diseases like anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, depression, and dysphoria. 

How this longing for physical attractiveness is planted into a child's head I don't know, but what I do know is that it must change. I refuse to allow myself to be morphed into the brainwashed barbie that I am told I must become. I refuse to allow my child to suffer the feelings of imperfection and inadequacy that have become so commonplace in our society.  We, as a generation, need to stop this detrimental emotional state that has somehow found a home in the mind of every young person. We must not let it's squirming tentacles worm their way into the lives of our daughters and our sons. We can stop this pandemic of self-hate, leading to the eradication of all hate, leaving love. Always love. 

Let's Talk About... Mental Health

There is such a stigma nowadays surrounding mental health. From a young age we are taught to hide our feelings and not mention mental health - neither ours nor that of those around us. But if you are feeling like your mental health is suffering, then bottling up your feelings will only make it worse. Somebody very close to me has suffered with Depression and Anxiety for a majority of his life, and has recently been diagnosed with Psychotic Depression, and obviously his mental health has been a huge part of his life, as well as the lives of his family and friends.

For those of you who don't know, Psychotic Depression is a form of severe Depression in which the sufferer has hallucinations or delusions, 'for example, they may become convinced they're to blame for something, or that they've committed a crime' - nhs.co.uk. They may hear the voices of loved ones, and are convinced that the voices they are hearing are real. For the sufferer and the people around them, this is very scary. The sufferer can no longer trust their own thoughts, and their friends/family can't trust what the sufferer says either. Until the person I know was diagnosed with it, I didn't even know that Psychotic Depression existed. However, I knew that physical diseases existed, and could name many. This only goes to show how stigmatised mental health is.

If a young person has a mental illness, they are told to 'just get over it'. If that young person had a physical illness such as cancer, there's no way that they would be told to 'just get over it'! Imagine going to the doctor's and being told that your illness is in your mind, and therefore you're making it up. It would only make you feel more alone and more of a 'freak'. This is why the discussion of mental health needs to become more commonplace. Mental illness can affect anyone, no matter their age/gender/background, and the awareness of these issues must be raised.

Neither in primary nor secondary school was I taught about mental illness, all I had was a couple of classes on anorexia and bulimia. Depression was never even mentioned. So how am I supposed to know how to help my loved one when he is suffering so much? Had I been educated on the finer details of mental illness, it's causes, symptoms, and cures, maybe I would be better at helping my loved one.

After researching Psychotic Depression and mental health in general, I have realised that it is easier than I thought to help those suffering: you just need to listen. As scary as it might be, and however many tears come speeding towards your eyes, we need to talk about mental illness: it could save someone's life.

If anything I have written has affected you in any way, please feel free to message me, through any of the sites/email listed on my 'Talk To Me!' page.

Here are some lists of helplines if you feel you need help.
Get Self Help (UK)
NHS (UK)
Together We Are Strong (International)
Asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness; it is a sign of recovery.

King of Hell

A while ago, I was looking for short film prompts, when I came across this short story prompt.

It inspired me, so I turned a short story prompt into a poem prompt!
In light of it being Spooky Season, here is said Spooky Poem:

Some years ago I sold my soul for a man I no longer know.
The spell worked for a little while, albeit it was slow.
But it wasn't an unhappy end, we knew it had to cease,
Perhaps my payment wasn't perfect, or I signed the wrong lease.

I said the chant and drew the circle, stepped to the inside,
I wondered if I'd see the light, or if I'd just stay blind.
But then he came in a burst of flames; laughing, having fun.
I told him what I needed, then a handshake; it was done.

The devil was never evil to me, I thought he was my saviour.
Then recently he came to me and said 'I need a favour'.
He told me it was payment for the happiness I'd had,
Cause now he had a problem: his followers? Turned bad.

You'd think the devil's followers were all bad through and through,
But apparently everyone went to him, it didn't matter who.
He told me I would meet him soon, and stay there by his side,
As long as I could rally them, to salvage Satan's pride.

So I told him I would help him out and make him King of Hell again,
I told the rebels of his struggle, turned them to my side but then
I trapped the devil in My hell, within the Earthen realm,
And I took His Hell for my own, and now I'm at the helm.

So remember this short story, for what I tell is true.
The devil isn't evil, but evil could be you.


                                            -c.h.f

Living In A Shadow

In daily life, children, preteens, and teenagers face a number of pressures: appearance, grades, social life, to name but a few. All of these stresses are detrimental to the young person’s wellbeing and all deserve their own post in order to be discussed and eradicated by receiving the attention the problems deserve. The pressure that I’d like to flag up today, however, is the pressure of living up to other’s successes.

In my family, my mother has a maths degree, my brother has a maths degree, and my other brother went to Oxford to study (you guessed it) maths. Both of my brothers (me being the youngest sibling) studied Maths and Further Maths at college, in addition to Physics/Law/other supremely academic subject. I chose to not follow the path set by my older brothers and am studying Drama, Film, History, and French (the latter two more acceptable to my family). I’ll admit it to you; I was scared to make these choices, because as a child I had always followed in my brothers’ and my parents’ footsteps, and my parents assumed that I’d be heading for university, aiming for Oxbridge as my brothers did. However, I dislike studying Maths and Science, I am disinterested in most academic subjects. I am not trying to belittle them or negate their importance in life, on the contrary! I fully admire people who have chosen to study subjects that I have neither the drive nor the work ethic to study, I envy them in a way. But I adore my chosen subjects, and instead of following my parents’ dream of going to university to study Maths, I’d much rather study Acting or Film Production.

The attached photo showcases just a few of my brothers’ Excellence awards from our secondary school. These awards were given to the top two students in each year for a subject, every year. For our family (I guess you could call us a ‘smart’ family) this meant bringing home a yearly bundle of certificates, in every subject, both academic and not-so. Don’t get me wrong, I also received some of these awards during my time at secondary school, but not nearly so many. From year seven, I felt less accomplished than my brothers. This was further highlighted when I took my GCSEs. The more exam-inclined of my brothers (the Oxford one) managed to achieve 9 A*s and 4 As at GCSE; an incredible feat. But at the time, 12-year-old me wasn’t congratulating him, I had but one thing on my mind: beating him. When I took my GCSEs four years later, I achieved 7 A*s and 5 As. Now, I am ecstatic with my results, as I know I tried my hardest and have achieved what I need to further my education. At the time though, I was devastated. I hadn’t beaten my brother. But in academics, there is no winning and losing. Winning is gaining knowledge, the only loss you can achieve is letting that knowledge fly past you. I know that now, but I was too focused on the data and the numbers to be proud of myself, and that sucks. Royally.

So for me, the pressure of living up to other people’s intelligence came from (and still comes from) my family. However, for a lot of students, this feeling originates from their peers. If you’re a student, take a moment to think of the ‘smart kid’ in one of your classes. Yep, that one (there’s always one). Think of how many times you’ve sneaked a peek at their grade, or heard them complaining about how they ‘only got an A’ when they were hoping for an A*. Think about how that made you feel, looking at your A/B/C/D grade. Young people nowadays all seem to compare themselves to their friends and peers, putting themselves down because of that one test that their friend did better on.

Conversely, think of how the ‘smart kid’ felt when (s)he got an answer wrong in class, and were openly mocked for ‘losing their smart kid status’. An already awkward moment easily turns into one of embarrassment, self-doubt, and self-loathing for a child who, their whole life, has been told that they’re above average. It’s difficult to consider yourself above-average, to be conditioned into thinking that you’re above everybody else, then to be told you’re the same as your peers. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being ‘average’. But there is something wrong with teaching children that they must always be top of the class, or else they have failed. It may seem like you’re just boosting the child’s confidence, but in reality you’re setting that child up for a crash of failure when they find out that maybe they’re not so perfect after all.

Similarly, do not teach an average child that they will never accomplish what the 'smart kid' can. This will also set the child up for failure, crushing their dreams and ambitions even earlier than those of the 'smart kid'. Teachers; I beg of you, do not segregate and label your children as 'smart' and 'average'. This kind of class society is detrimental to everyone involved, though you may not see it at the time. Students; hard as it may be, do not compare yourself to anyone. Focus on improving yourself and growing in your knowledge, not whether you've 'beaten' the person next to you or not. If that's what you're thinking, then no matter your grade, you haven't beaten them at all. Most of all, be your own person, follow your own passions, and live in nobodies shadow!

Sometimes I Stop And Wonder

Sometimes I stop and wonder:
Whatever makes me 'me'?
Is it the way my hair falls in my eyes
Making it difficult to see?
Is it my croaky morning voice,
A head engulfed in hair?
Or is it more the things I think,
My worries and my cares.

If all those pieces contribute
To making me be 'me',
Are they what makes you who you are,
And who I wish I'd be?
Your hair doesn't fall, it cascades down
Your perfect chiselled frame.
And even in the early mornings
I'm sure it's just the same.

Sometimes I stop and wonder:
How could I be you?
When my everything is nothing
Compared to all you do.
Your poetry makes mine feel like
A child's aimless scribbles.
Your novels make me weep and laugh,
While mine are simply drivel.

When you sing the world is silent,
Hanging on your words.
When you dance, the air, it favours
You over the birds.
When you kiss me my universe
Is shattered and then mended,
And when I see you in her arms
That universe is ended.

So now I've stopped and wondered,
An answer I have found.
It's not a massive revelation,
Nor is it profound.
It won't change the universe
Or make me feel less blue,
But the thing that makes me who I am
Is that I have known you.


                                            -c.h.f

My First Post

Hi! I'm Charlotte, also known as daintilydreaming. I've decided to start this blog as an outlet for my thoughts; writing, poetry, melodies, lyrics, current events, photos, etc. I'll try to post at least twice a week, as long as I can balance all my college work too!
So to begin my blogging journey, here's a little bit about me.

I was born in November '99 on the dreary English South coast. As a child, I was fascinated with stories and books, which later transitioned into a love of anything written (especially Harry Potter). I always loved my dad's old music; Deep Purple, Annie Lennox, the Rolling Stones. That passion has also stayed with me through a slight obsession with vinyl (I've been lucky enough to be able to steal both my parents' and my grandma's old records, so I now have quite a collection!). Now, I love new music, but I still hold dear the music my parents and grandparents loved; the Beatles, Chas and Dave, Elvis, Queen, ABBA, etc, as well as (of course) musicals! So clearly some things about me haven't changed since I was a young child, but I think that the more important things are those which have changed. They show that a human's personality and interests evolve and transform, just as their body and mind do.
For me, one of the big changes in my life has been opting for a plant-based diet, a huge change from the omnivorous child I once was. I made the choice to go vegan in June of 2015, when I was 15 years old. This choice has made a massive impact on my life and has made me happier and healthier (and provides an excellent talking point for those awkward first-meetings with friends-of-friends). I'll probably do at least one post on veganism and it's benefits and disadvantages in the future, so please let me know if that's something you'd like to read more about, if you're thinking of making the change yourself, or are simply interested in how a vegan lives in a carnivorous household!
Another lifestyle change that I've made recently is the conversion to Christianity. I was Christened as a baby, but was raised in an Agnostic household with two Atheist brothers, so I never really thought about religion or God until the issue was raised in RE lessons at secondary school. Because of the way I was brought up, I'd always thought that all Christians were extreme - like the members of the Westboro Baptist Church (which there will definitely be a later post on), evangelising and not taking 'no' for an answer. However, my views were proved to be completely wrong when I started to research Christianity, and in particular a young girl named Rachel Joy Scott, who was killed in the Columbine massacre of April 1999. Since her death at 17, she has become a sort of Christian martyr, for some right reasons, and also for some wrong. But that's another story for another post. To get back to my original point, I came to realise that I did believe in a great Something (with a capital S), and my life was altered in a way that I am not only grateful for, but am extremely happy with, and I never wish to go back.
As mentioned in my 'About Me', I'm currently studying Film, Drama, History, and French at college. I've wanted to be an actress since before I can remember - probably from watching so many films and reading so many books as a child and teen. My love of History is new to me, though. It sort of sprung out of nowhere, as at the beginning of secondary school I never liked it, but when I started doing my GCSEs I began to develop such an interest for it that I knew I had to carry it on into college. At secondary school, I did a French GCSE in year 9 then a Spanish GCSE in year 11, and now I'm back to doing French. As a child, my family took frequent trips to the beautiful Chateau Vary in Jarzé (pictured), which I think is where my adoration for the French culture, language, and people stems from.

Chateau Vary, Jarzé. Creds to booking.com

In conclusion, over the years I've developed a pure love of life which I hope to hold for ever. I'm looking forward to reading new books, writing new things, meeting new friends and getting to know old ones better, and getting to know myself better too.

I hope that this has helped you to get to know me a little, and please feel free to contact me with any post requests, questions or constructive criticism!
Until next time,
Charlotte x