Trapped By Stress

First of all, sorry that this post is so late! It was supposed to go up on Wednesday, but because of a family emergency I haven't had a chance to sit down and write until today. Once again, I am very, very sorry. Also, this week marks the last Wednesday of October, meaning that this is also the last week of The Pressures Young People Face. For November (as it's my birth month) the series will be called I Am... . Each Wednesday there will be a post entitled I Am ............ (a word that defines me), and will document my reasons for and against being ............, why I became ............, etc. Let me know if you have any ideas for what December's series should be! Anyway, on with the final post of October's series!

Throughout this series, I've spoken of multiple concerns that young people face daily. Somehow though, I haven't even mentioned exams. Exams, whether they be A Levels, GCSEs, SATs, or even a termly recap, are stressful. There's no doubt about that. Exam stress on top of regular daily teen stresses can be exhausting, demoralising, and can be 'the straw that broke the camel's back', to emulate my mother.
However, exams don't need to be this looming monster that they seem to be. Older people's tales of horrors in exam rooms needn't be true for you. If you're feeling stressed about exams, you have to comprehend why. Have you revised? Have you asked your teacher/peers for help? Have you made sacrifices to cope with the extra work? If the answer to all of these questions is 'no', then it's clear that your attitude is the problem.
But maybe, you've revised every day, you've asked for all the help that you can, and you've given up a little bit of social life to focus more on school work. And still, its not working. You may just need to take a break. This might sound like contrasting advice, but exams affect people differently, and therefore the stresses of exams are conquered differently. In essence, work hard, but not so hard that you're creating even more stress for yourself.

Exams aren't the only stressful thing in a young person's life, though. Many young people have extra stresses both inside and outside of school/college that they have to deal with. In some cases, they may be young carers, or be living off a single-parent income, or have extra responsibilities such as looking after a child (their own or a sibling), or having to work multiple part-time jobs to provide for their families. These young people carry an even larger burden that you or I, so if you ever feel lik the stress is too much, or you think a friend is feeling like this, take some time out of your day to just
Be.
Relax.
Appreciate the world and all it's wonders.
It helps me to take a step back and just breathe, and remind myself that I'm not the most stressed person in the world, and that I can cope. With the right guidance, we all can. Please don't be afraid to ask for help, either from a teacher, a friend, or from me! I'm more than happy to listen to you rant, and to try and give my advice, as I'm sure all of your teachers, and a good portion of your friends will be! If you're seeking my help, visit my Talk To Me! page and follow any of the links there. I must admit my expertise is limited, but I've already experienced SATs and GCSEs and have come out the other side smiling, but I'm more than happy to help you learn or research whatever you need, or to just talk!
If you remember one thing from this post, please let it be that you can cope with anything with the right help, and you're definitely not alone.
You're with me.

Living In A Shadow

In daily life, children, preteens, and teenagers face a number of pressures: appearance, grades, social life, to name but a few. All of these stresses are detrimental to the young person’s wellbeing and all deserve their own post in order to be discussed and eradicated by receiving the attention the problems deserve. The pressure that I’d like to flag up today, however, is the pressure of living up to other’s successes.

In my family, my mother has a maths degree, my brother has a maths degree, and my other brother went to Oxford to study (you guessed it) maths. Both of my brothers (me being the youngest sibling) studied Maths and Further Maths at college, in addition to Physics/Law/other supremely academic subject. I chose to not follow the path set by my older brothers and am studying Drama, Film, History, and French (the latter two more acceptable to my family). I’ll admit it to you; I was scared to make these choices, because as a child I had always followed in my brothers’ and my parents’ footsteps, and my parents assumed that I’d be heading for university, aiming for Oxbridge as my brothers did. However, I dislike studying Maths and Science, I am disinterested in most academic subjects. I am not trying to belittle them or negate their importance in life, on the contrary! I fully admire people who have chosen to study subjects that I have neither the drive nor the work ethic to study, I envy them in a way. But I adore my chosen subjects, and instead of following my parents’ dream of going to university to study Maths, I’d much rather study Acting or Film Production.

The attached photo showcases just a few of my brothers’ Excellence awards from our secondary school. These awards were given to the top two students in each year for a subject, every year. For our family (I guess you could call us a ‘smart’ family) this meant bringing home a yearly bundle of certificates, in every subject, both academic and not-so. Don’t get me wrong, I also received some of these awards during my time at secondary school, but not nearly so many. From year seven, I felt less accomplished than my brothers. This was further highlighted when I took my GCSEs. The more exam-inclined of my brothers (the Oxford one) managed to achieve 9 A*s and 4 As at GCSE; an incredible feat. But at the time, 12-year-old me wasn’t congratulating him, I had but one thing on my mind: beating him. When I took my GCSEs four years later, I achieved 7 A*s and 5 As. Now, I am ecstatic with my results, as I know I tried my hardest and have achieved what I need to further my education. At the time though, I was devastated. I hadn’t beaten my brother. But in academics, there is no winning and losing. Winning is gaining knowledge, the only loss you can achieve is letting that knowledge fly past you. I know that now, but I was too focused on the data and the numbers to be proud of myself, and that sucks. Royally.

So for me, the pressure of living up to other people’s intelligence came from (and still comes from) my family. However, for a lot of students, this feeling originates from their peers. If you’re a student, take a moment to think of the ‘smart kid’ in one of your classes. Yep, that one (there’s always one). Think of how many times you’ve sneaked a peek at their grade, or heard them complaining about how they ‘only got an A’ when they were hoping for an A*. Think about how that made you feel, looking at your A/B/C/D grade. Young people nowadays all seem to compare themselves to their friends and peers, putting themselves down because of that one test that their friend did better on.

Conversely, think of how the ‘smart kid’ felt when (s)he got an answer wrong in class, and were openly mocked for ‘losing their smart kid status’. An already awkward moment easily turns into one of embarrassment, self-doubt, and self-loathing for a child who, their whole life, has been told that they’re above average. It’s difficult to consider yourself above-average, to be conditioned into thinking that you’re above everybody else, then to be told you’re the same as your peers. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being ‘average’. But there is something wrong with teaching children that they must always be top of the class, or else they have failed. It may seem like you’re just boosting the child’s confidence, but in reality you’re setting that child up for a crash of failure when they find out that maybe they’re not so perfect after all.

Similarly, do not teach an average child that they will never accomplish what the 'smart kid' can. This will also set the child up for failure, crushing their dreams and ambitions even earlier than those of the 'smart kid'. Teachers; I beg of you, do not segregate and label your children as 'smart' and 'average'. This kind of class society is detrimental to everyone involved, though you may not see it at the time. Students; hard as it may be, do not compare yourself to anyone. Focus on improving yourself and growing in your knowledge, not whether you've 'beaten' the person next to you or not. If that's what you're thinking, then no matter your grade, you haven't beaten them at all. Most of all, be your own person, follow your own passions, and live in nobodies shadow!