Wednesday, 30 November 2016

I Am... Happy




















Happiness.
What does that word mean to you?
Is it a person? A place? One prevalent moment of laughter?
For me, happiness isn't a memory, nor is it a goal to aim for. It's a way of life, a mindset, a means of living. Happiness is not a job or a destination, it shouldn't be something that's on your bucket list. You should be doing the things on your bucket list whilst being happy.

For a while now, I've been debating what makes me happy. Here's what I came up with (in no particular order):

  • seeing a sunrise
  • 3am deep chats with close friends
  • Bo Burnham
  • the nostalgia of my memory box
  • Skins
  • when you wake up and think it's time to get up but really it's 2am and you have 4 more hours to sleep
  • the feel of a hot water bottle thawing your body on a cold day
  • Rachel Joy Scott
  • Bee Movie memes
  • being vegan
  • Zero Day
  • hugs
  • baking
  • complex characters
  • Twenty One Pilot's cover of Cancer by My Chemical Romance
  • that vine where a lil Spanish girl is laughing then her chewing gum falls out and she mutters 'oh, mi chicle' oh boy that gets me every time
  • how my family almost literally used to be the family from Outnumbered
  • Harry Potter (!!!)
  • sleeping on friends on the bus to/from college
  • Barack Obama singing
  • my GCSE Music class (hi Mr Lawrenson I miss you)
  • people who have a wide vocabulary and utilise it in daily life
  • 13 Reasons Why
  • Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time by Panic! At The Disco
  • avocados
  • when it's a stranger's birthday at college and everyone in the canteen claps
  • meditation
  • people pointing out your little idiosyncrasies
  • The Death Cure
  • finding cheap vinyl
  • online shopping
  • putting up the Christmas tree
  • group chats
  • The Jonas Brothers (I know, I'm embarrassed)
  • spending time with God
  • when you're told nice things that people have said behind your back (I call it kind bitching)
  • NoContextLouis on twitter oh boy
  • Louis Theroux in general tbf
  • passive-aggressive vegan memes
  • reading other people's poetry/novels/writings
  • Emma Watson
  • films which make exceptional use of colour
  • singing
  • seeing strangers show unprovoked compassion
  • my faith
  • PositivePlant on twitter
  • that Michael McIntyre sketch about different name spellings
  • when you've finished watching a live show and the cast are bowing and for no reason you suddenly flood with tears (no?? just me?? oh...)
  • when the whole family's down and you're annoyed at the noise then you realise how lucky you are despite it
  • Joe Walker as Umbridge
  • hearing a cat purr
  • seeing someone you love smile
  • when you reread a poem you wrote a while ago and still? like it???
  • Stellar Kart
  • hearing one of your common phrases slip into a friend's vocabulary
  • someone's face lighting up when talking about their passion
And so much more. These are a few of the things that bring happiness to my life, and I didn't even mention the largest contributors; my friends and their undying banter, my close family and our improbable harmony, simple life itself.

As this is the final Wednesday (and the final day!) of November, this is the final post of I Am..., so if you have any requests or suggestions for what the Wednesday series should be for December, let me know! 
Also, let me know what makes you happy, and what happiness means to you.

Thank you for reading. 

Sunday, 27 November 2016

Dear 15-Year-Old Me

To Charlotte, circa April 2015.

It's okay.

People don't care as much as you think they do. They don't care about your weight, or your size, or the way your hair sticks out at an odd angle when you've slept funny. They aren't bothered if your makeup doesn't look like it normally does, or if you do a little worse than usual on a test. All of these things only affect you, and everyone feels the same about themselves.

Despite all of these things that everyone else doesn't care about, they do care about you. Your friends are just that: friends. Cherish the moments you spend with them and know that you deserve to spend time with them. You're gonna go through some hard times with them (and some harder times without them), but you're also gonna make some memories that you'll never, ever want to forget. Make time for friends, you don't always have to be waiting for someone else to make plans. Furthermore, you don't have to say yes to every plan you're offered. If you need some alone time, have some. You're only human, and you need to remember that. But then, you do have to leave the house at some point. Being cooped up isn't good for anyone, it just forces you to stew in your thoughts and riles up your inner storm.

Be thankful for the friends you currently have (I'm sure thankful that you had them), and don't take them for granted because one day you won't be as close or even know them at all, and that won't have to be sad if you take all that you can get from the relationships while they last. On the subject of friends, don't be scared of being alone. When you go to college you'll meet the most amazing people who will quickly become an extension of yourself. These wonderful people will make you want to get up at 5:30am, just so you can see them. Make sure to thank your current friends and future friends regularly because they deserve to know how important and valued they are.

Make sure to thank your family too. They might get on your nerves a lot (honestly I wonder if that'll ever change), but they do mean well, and they won't be there forever. Thankfully they are whilst I'm writing this, but you're already thinking about next steps and moving on and moving out and moving away, so treasure the time you have left with them. Tell the people you love that you love them more than you think you should, because sometimes people need to hear it.

You're changing at the moment; your ideals are becoming less skewed and your beliefs are finally emerging. Embrace this change; stop fighting it. Trust me, you'll love it once you're settled in yourself. Things for you now aren't all that good, but I promise you that they will be. You'll be happy, you'll start finally living, as opposed to just being, surviving. You're gonna drag yourself out of this hole and it's gonna be hard, but oh boy will it be worth it. You don't know how to accept help at the moment but you'll need to; you can't do this by yourself. It's not weak to need saving. You're strong, stronger than you perceive yourself to be. Use that strength to save yourself and then to save others.

This hard time won't last forever.
Neither will this year.
Neither will secondary school.
But your happiness can, you just have to fight for it. You are worthy of so much more than you think. Love others, love yourself, and above all else remember to spread joy wherever possible.

Also stop being a dick, you really get on my nerves.

From Charlotte, circa November 2016.

Thursday, 24 November 2016

I Am... A Nerd




















Nerd
noun

1. A foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
2. A single-minded expert in a particular technical field.

(oxford dictionary)


I LOVE to read. I adore it. Always have, hopefully always will. Apparently this makes me a nerd. I'm not bothered about being called a nerd; it's not an insult, it's a personality trait. When I decided to write this post, I looked up the definition of the word 'nerd' to check what I was essentially labelling myself, and I was (and still am) very confused and surprised at the definition above. I don't (think I) lack social skills, and honestly I'm not even relatively studios, let alone boringly so. Someone being interested in things which are typically 'nerdy' doesn't make them anti-social. I can watch movies/talk about books/obsess over a character with my friends, making me not anti-social (apologies for the double negative there, but had to get my point across). 
On the subject of studious-ness (studiosity? That sounds a lot like a Georgia Nicholson quote), I really don't understand why people who revise and study more than others are considered uncool. Believe me, I'm not one of them, I couldn't revise for a test that isn't the next morning if my life depended on it. But still, I kind of wish I was one of them, I'd definitely do better in exams if I was. People seem to always condemn others' pursuits for success, and their drive or motivation. This really doesn't make any sense to me, I admire those who can strive for greatness and do everything in their power to get there.
Back to the first point of nerds, I also don't believe that I'm single-minded, about anything. And I'm definitely not an expert in any field, let alone a technical one. I'm one of those people who's alright at most things, and not fantastic at any one thing, so by this definition, I'm not a nerd. 
But I 100% am. 
I hate how much I care about fictional characters and their fictional lives, I hate the way a good weekend for me would be binge-watching Harry Potter, I hate how I can't walk past a bookshop without spending an absolute fortune. 
But I love how an author can make you feel and care for someone who isn't real through simple words, I love the comfort of curling up and listening to the familiar Warner Bros intro, I love that feeling when you finally finish a book, only to glance over at your sky-high reading list. 

I love to read, I love films, and I love being a 'nerd', but this definition isn't what it means to be a nerd to me. 

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

That Feeling




















I like
to feel.
Physically or emotions.
I like
that feeling
when your heart
lifts to your throat
and your pulse jumps and flutters
and adrenaline courses
to your head
and your toes
and your fingertips.

But I hate
that feeling
when your heart
caves in
and your ribs crunch and suffocate you
and unite with your constricting lungs
to make you gasp
and gulp
and puff.

And I'm not sure how I feel about
when both those feelings
happen
all at once

and your heart is up and down and in a million pieces
and you think you'll be sick from the breathlessness and rushing blood,
from the swirling of your mind
and the crushing of your torso
as the storming and crumbling of your body
makes you
Feel.

                                           -c.h.f

Sunday, 20 November 2016

15 Quotes
















I adore quotes. I sometimes find it difficult to express my thoughts, so I find that quoting other people helps me to articulate my own thoughts, through theirs. Here are my top 15 quotes, some of which I agree wholeheartedly with, some of which I find interesting/amusing, and some of which I simply like, for some reason. Feel free to send me some of your favourite quotes!

15. 'People will never know how far a little kindness can go.' - Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

To begin, here is a quote from my main inspiration in life, Rachel Scott. I love this quote because of the truth of it's implications; one kind deed, even a simple smile, could change someone's entire mindset, even if it's just for an hour, or a day.

14. 'Is there no way out of the mind?' - Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)

Sylvia Plath is one of the greatest poets of all time, and this quote aptly expresses the way I sometimes feel: trapped within the confines of myself. I often feel this way when trying to write but the words just won't come out, or when I am struck speechless with dumbfoundedness.

13. 'To die will be an awfully big adventure.' - J M Barrie (1860-1937)

I have previously spoken about my assurance that death is not to be feared, and this quote accurately sums up my feelings towards the matter; we should not be afraid of something simply because it is unknown.

12. 'I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts.' - Eric Harris (1981-1999)

It worries me how much I relate to this quote from a mass murderer, but I am adamantly dedicated to the truth within my thoughts, I refuse to act in a way that contradicts my moral code and/or my thoughts.

11. 'Non omnis moriar (I will not altogether die).' - Horace (65BC-8BC)

This quote never fails to bring me comfort when I think of my dearly departed friends. People do not altogether die, because we can hear their laughter in a Summer breeze, and feel their warmth in our hearts, and see their smile when we close our eyes. Nobody is ever truly gone. Death is not finite.

10. 'Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.' - Peter Benenson (1921-2005)

There is no use in complaining about injustice, you must act and try to create that hope, create that light, create that justice. There is always hope and there is always light, so you can always eradicate the darkness.

9. '(after online rant entitled 'You Know What I Hate?' detailing the type of people he hates) And sorry if I offended you, but, if I did, that means you are one of the people that I mentioned I hate, so I guess I'm not sorry, you asshole.' - Eric Harris (1981-1999)

Here is another quote from Harris (see 12), however I do not relate to this one. I included this in my list because I find the psychology behind it fascinating. I feel like this quote completely sums up Harris' thoughts leading up to the massacre he caused, and attempting to understand the mind of a killer intrigues me.

8. '(of animals) The question is not 'Can they reason?', nor 'Can they talk?', but 'Can they suffer?'.' - Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832)

I love this quote because of how it rings true with myself. This mindset is the main reason that I went vegan, as animals are sentient and have nerve cells, and so can feel pain. To me, the only logical reaction to this knowledge is to not harm them.

7. 'I am large. I contain multitudes.' - Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

If you know me in real life, you'll know I ADORE Whitman. I also adore this quote, because a human being is large, in spirit. Human's are not just one thought, or one belief, or one trait. They are large, they contain multitudes, they can be whomever they aspire to be, and can do whatever they aspire to do.

6. '(when leaving the House of Commons) I wish everyone, friend or foe, well. That is that. The end.' - Tony Blair (1953- )

This is my outlook on life. My aim is to always spread love and joy, no matter to whom. The end.

5. 'Colin is the sort of name you'd give a goldfish for a joke.' - Colin Firth (1960- )

Any readers who go to my college, you'll understand the inside joke ;). Aside from that, and the hilarity of this quote, said quote is important to me, because to me it represents how it is always good to be able to laugh at yourself. For a long time, I couldn't laugh at myself, and my existence was pretty miserable. To poke fun at oneself is to embrace humour and laughter in all walks of life.

4. 'We must be the change we wish to see in the world.' - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

I couldn't agree more with an insightful quote from a legendary man. We cannot expect things to change if we just sit back and let things happen. We must be the good that we desire.

3. 'I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.' - Lillian Hellman (1905-1984)

Especially prevalent after the recent hate that has been terrorising the world, this quote is valuable. I have a strict moral code by which I govern my existence, and I refuse to bow to societal standards if I do not feel they meet my ethics. I hate to quote my parents, but just because everyone else is doing something, doesn't mean it's right.

2. 'God moves in mysterious ways.' - William Cowper (1731-1800)

I do not pretend to understand the Lord's workings or reasonings, and this quote sometimes helps to reassure me when I feel my life is going awry. Remember that there is a plan for you, and everything will be alright in the end. Eventually, you will be better off than you are now, you just might have a tough road to get there. That tough road will change you for the better.

1. 'Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer.' - Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

I began with a quote from Rachel Scott, so I'm going to end with one. This quote is so important to me and the way I choose to live my life. I couldn't agree more with it, and I often find myself reminding myself that all I have to do to have a successful day is be compassionate. If you want to be happy, show compassion. If you want others to be happy, show compassion. One simple gesture could start a chain reaction which will blossom into euphoria. Show compassion, and therefore show love.

To Come From Soil




















If tall roses are red
And small violets blue
And brown is the filthy ground in which the flowers grew,

Then my words can be gorgeous
And will not be overtook
By the effigy I show the world; my exterior, my look.

For proven by these flora
Is that anything can spawn
From the plainest of beginnings; you are not what you were born.

                                            -c.h.f

Thursday, 17 November 2016

I Am... A Vegan

Recently, I've had many people I know in real life asking me about veganism; why I became vegan, what I eat, what difference it makes to my life etc. In this post, I'd like to answer these questions, and clear up some issues surrounding vegans.

Firstly, what is a vegan?

The word 'vegan' is synonymous with 'plant-based', meaning that we only eat things that come from plants. Therefore, vegans don't eat meat or fish (like vegetarians), but we also don't consume any other animal products e.g. milk, cheese, yogurt, eggs, honey, gelatine etc. Also, veganism is more of a lifestyle than a diet, so we also don't use other animal-based products including leather, fur, suede, silk etc.

Why did you become vegan?

In mid 2015, I watched a video on Facebook about how factory-farmed animals are treated and killed, and it really struck a nerve with me. I'm normally okay with gore, loving horror movies, but for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about this video, and every time I thought about it, I wanted to throw up. I just wasn't aware of what factory animals went through (and are still going though) just to be eaten. On that day, I decided to go vegetarian, and then I changed my mind - I wanted to go vegan. Honestly, it's mainly because I wanted to be different, and vegetarian wasn't daring enough for me, but I'm so glad that it worked out, and nowadays I'm not vegan just to be indie! Now, I'm still shell-shocked by the vile treatment of factory animals, but I'm also staying vegan because I now believe that life is more important than anything else in the world, and this is because of my relationship with God. Even if you aren't religious or spiritual, surely you can appreciate the wonder that is life; human or otherwise. This deep-set marvel of the miracle of life is what keeps me from breaking and just thinking 'screw it, I might as well eat meat'. So now, I've been vegan for almost a year and a half. 

What do you eat?

This is normally the first question that people ask me once they find out that I'm vegan, and I'm still not quite sure how to respond.Whatever you eat minus the items mentioned above, and with substitutes instead. Generally, there are a few different types of vegan 'diets'. Most vegans are HCLF (high carb low fat), but there are also raw vegans, macrobiotics, fruitarians, and an endless list of others. Personally, If I had to categorise myself, I'd be HCLF, because I adore pasta too much to go raw. 

What's good about going vegan?

Apart from saving and/or bettering the lives of countless animals (more than 56 billion animals are killed for food every year, not including fish and other marine animals, are their death toll is so great that they are measured in tonnes), going vegan helps the environment in numerous other ways. For one, livestock is responsible for 51% of worldwide greenhouse gas emissions, which means that funding the meat industry contributes more to global warming than all transportation exhaust fumes put together. Many of us are worried about climate change, but we aren't told the real reasons for it. Growing crops to feed livestock uses 56% of water in the US. 12% of the world's population does not have access to clean drinking water, and the first world is wasting it mass-producing animals. Furthermore, livestock and feed for livestock covers 45% of the Earth's total land, again because of the large-scale mass-production of farmed animals. Animal agriculture also 'is the leading cause of species extinction, ocean dead zones, water pollution, and habitat destruction'. Remember when everyone was freaking out because the Great Barrier Reef is dying? That's almost an 'ocean dead zone'. Speaking of oceans, fish are often overlooked by vegetarians and vegans (especially pescatarians, but let's not talk about them), but they are in just as much peril. Fishless oceans could be a possibility by 2048. I will not even be 50 by the time fish are extinct. Will my grandchildren ever be able to see a fish? Not if we keep fishing at the rate we are now. 
In addition to the worldwide benefits, going plant-based is good for your body. When I went vegan, my skin cleared up, my hair got healthier and shinier, I lost weight and felt healthier and happier within myself. Also, not eating meat greatly reduces your risk of heart disease and heart attacks due to high cholesterol and blood pressure. (Plus, it's a super great talking point, so there's never awkward silences when you meet new people. One mention of veganism from a friend and you're in the middle of a heated debate.)

What's bad about going vegan?

I had to think long and hard about this question, but I promised myself that I'd answer it, because I feel the need to be unbiased, especially after last week's politically biased post! Therefore, the negatives to veganism are: 

1) You have to plan every meal. You can't randomly choose to go out to dinner, unless you're sure that where you're going will cater for vegans. Also, when you're at a friend's and they order pizza, you can't have any. :(

2) The MEMES. I personally consider this a positive, but some people get annoyed by the sheer volume of vegan (or should I say anti-vegan) memes out there. For someone who spends as much time online as I do, you can't go an hour without seeing at least five vegan memes. Mainly because you'll always get tagged in them, no matter who by, because you're the only vegan they know. Plus, people love to talk about meat in front of you, which I don't actually mind, but it gets kind of annoying when you're told 'but BACON though!!!' for the tenth time that day.

3) Stigmas. There are so many people who genuinely believe that vegans are all hippies who just eat cabbage and talk about being vegan all day. Contrastingly to this post, I actually don't talk about being vegan that much, it's normally other people who bring it up (Lord knows how they find out I'm vegan). Also, some people dislike you straight away solely because you're vegan, which is kind of ridiculous. What I eat doesn't affect my personality. 

4) Protein. Goodness me, the number of people who've told me I can't survive without meat!!! Clearly, I'm alive. Therefore clearly, I can. It's amazing, when someone finds out what you eat, they somehow immediately become nutritionists! I don't have to take supplements for protein or calcium or other non-vegan-related essentials, but I do prefer to take multivitamins, simply because I always seem to have a cold. This isn't because I don't eat meat (it isn't helped by that either, but still), it's because my immune system has always been slightly awful. 

Didn't God create animals for us to eat?

I don't know, is the honest answer. I personally don't think so, because as stated earlier, I believe that life is more important than anything, so I believe that plants were created for food, and animals were not. I'll refer you to Genesis 1:29 'And God said "Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed... to you it shall be for food"'. Obviously I can only speak as a Christian, and as for other religious people with their own opinions on meat and other food consumption, as well as other Christian's opinions, I cannot speak for their views. 

But cows don't have to die to give milk?

True, in theory. However in practice, this couldn't be more wrong. In order for cows to lactate, just like humans they must be pregnant/breastfeeding a child. Therefore, the cow must have a child before being milked. What is done with this child? If it is male, it is immediately ripped from it's mother and sent to slaughter if it's lucky, or if not, it is brandished in a ring and bid on for hours crying for it's mother, before finally being taken away and slaughtered. If the calf is female, then it is destined for the same life of artificial insemination, disease, and entrapment as her mother. As well as the calves' deaths, many many cows die every year due to filthy living conditions, disease, improper waste disposal, and other microbes which run riot in factory farms. The same microbes which get into your milk and meat.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you've learned something about veganism. If you have any other questions please feel free to contact me with them, and if you know me in real life, please do the same! I'm always happy to answer genuine questions about my lifestyle, and would love to hear your opinions on things. :D 


Statistic creds: Goodland, R Anhang, J., Jacobson, Michael F., Thornton, Phillip, Mario Herrero, Polly Ericksen, Oppenlander, Richard A., National Geographic, animalequality.net.