Dear 15-Year-Old Me

To Charlotte, circa April 2015.

It's okay.

People don't care as much as you think they do. They don't care about your weight, or your size, or the way your hair sticks out at an odd angle when you've slept funny. They aren't bothered if your makeup doesn't look like it normally does, or if you do a little worse than usual on a test. All of these things only affect you, and everyone feels the same about themselves.

Despite all of these things that everyone else doesn't care about, they do care about you. Your friends are just that: friends. Cherish the moments you spend with them and know that you deserve to spend time with them. You're gonna go through some hard times with them (and some harder times without them), but you're also gonna make some memories that you'll never, ever want to forget. Make time for friends, you don't always have to be waiting for someone else to make plans. Furthermore, you don't have to say yes to every plan you're offered. If you need some alone time, have some. You're only human, and you need to remember that. But then, you do have to leave the house at some point. Being cooped up isn't good for anyone, it just forces you to stew in your thoughts and riles up your inner storm.

Be thankful for the friends you currently have (I'm sure thankful that you had them), and don't take them for granted because one day you won't be as close or even know them at all, and that won't have to be sad if you take all that you can get from the relationships while they last. On the subject of friends, don't be scared of being alone. When you go to college you'll meet the most amazing people who will quickly become an extension of yourself. These wonderful people will make you want to get up at 5:30am, just so you can see them. Make sure to thank your current friends and future friends regularly because they deserve to know how important and valued they are.

Make sure to thank your family too. They might get on your nerves a lot (honestly I wonder if that'll ever change), but they do mean well, and they won't be there forever. Thankfully they are whilst I'm writing this, but you're already thinking about next steps and moving on and moving out and moving away, so treasure the time you have left with them. Tell the people you love that you love them more than you think you should, because sometimes people need to hear it.

You're changing at the moment; your ideals are becoming less skewed and your beliefs are finally emerging. Embrace this change; stop fighting it. Trust me, you'll love it once you're settled in yourself. Things for you now aren't all that good, but I promise you that they will be. You'll be happy, you'll start finally living, as opposed to just being, surviving. You're gonna drag yourself out of this hole and it's gonna be hard, but oh boy will it be worth it. You don't know how to accept help at the moment but you'll need to; you can't do this by yourself. It's not weak to need saving. You're strong, stronger than you perceive yourself to be. Use that strength to save yourself and then to save others.

This hard time won't last forever.
Neither will this year.
Neither will secondary school.
But your happiness can, you just have to fight for it. You are worthy of so much more than you think. Love others, love yourself, and above all else remember to spread joy wherever possible.

Also stop being a dick, you really get on my nerves.

From Charlotte, circa November 2016.