Reflection

Happy New Year!

Before we welcome 2017, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on the year that has passed, and I recommend that you do too. 2016 has been a rollercoaster, with many lows (Bowie, Rickman, Brexit, Trump, Fisher, etc) but also many highs. Sure, poke fun at how 'terrible' this year has been, but remember all the good things that have happened this year too.

For me, 2016 was a year of growth and change. I explored the inner workings of my mind and soul more than I ever have before, and I learned more about myself than I can possibly fathom (or fit into one post!). I've tried to be more compassionate and spread more joy to the people I love, and to the people I don't love. I'd like to continue to shine more brightly in 2017 as well. One thing I'm also working on currently is honesty. I've always found it difficult to be totally honest with people, as I have a tendency to lie.
Not bad lies, but what one might call 'white lies'. I used to over-exaggerate and spin stories out of nothing, make mountains out of the smallest molehills. This is not a likeable trait. And it's hard for me to admit to people too, because then they start to question everything I've ever told them. I didn't even realise I did it until recently, but I value the truth more than almost any other trait in the people I know. So why on Earth shouldn't I reciprocate said truth? I should. And Im going to. A few people have asked me what my New Year's resolutions are for 2017, and that's one of them.
Another of my personal resolutions is that I want to grow in my faith and become more comfortable talking about it. For reasons unbeknownst to myself, I feel slightly ashamed about talking to my non-believing friends about God or Jesus, and even to my Christian friends I am apprehensive. But, the Bible states in numerous places (too many for me to source them all) that you should speak boldly and fearlessly of Christ, and I will. Or at least, I'm trying to. In fact, this blog has helped massively, as I'm a lot more open about religion on here than I am if you know me in real life. I'd like to change that, and be more honest with the world about my feelings towards faith.
Furthermore, I made a vow to be teetotal earlier this year, and my resolution for 2017 is to stick to this, and not become as tempted by alcohol as I am currently. I'd also like to stick to my guns with being vegan, and make some new friends! In addition to all these, I'd like to achieve all of my Achievable Aspirations series (minus veganuary, I'm already there) as it's always good to take up a new hobby, travel somewhere new, and have more confidence!

What are your New Year's Resolutions? Are they different from last year's?
Regardless, I hope you have (or have had, depending on timezones) a happy, fun, and safe New Year!
Happy 2017 :)

Contrastingly Human

my head is full of destruction
but my pen creates.
my actions can bring death
but my thoughts give life
to people i wish i'd meet
or be
or never have seen.
i can't stop sadness
but i still feel joy.
i choose to see the dark but the light
pierces my eyes
happily

                                        -c.h.f

Achievable Aspirations: Veganuary

The final instalment of Achievable Aspirations (taking your total to 4!) is thus:

I challenge you to eat plant-based for a month. If you can't do a month, then try a week! If you can't do a week, try and do meat-free Mondays. Eating less meat is not only good for the planet and (obviously) the animals, it's also incredibly beneficial to your health. If you want to learn a little more about veganism then be sure to check out this post of mine, in which I answer a lot of the common questions about veganism.

If you want to take up the challenge, visit the Veganuary website for more info, or contact me somehow if you have any questions or comments. Happy 2017!

To recap the Achievable Aspirations series: Hobby 'Travel' Confidence and this, Veganuary!

A Desperate Hue

A toddler stubbornly refusing to go to bed
Is the setting sun a-flaming; into the blue sky orange bled.
Then when again said sun glimpses Earth in early morning,
It's colours start to pierce your eyes to give you a forewarning
Of the magic and glory the day will bring, if only you will try
To be the oranges, yellows, and reds in life's cold, white, and blue sky.

                                        -c.h.f

A Day In The Life

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!

As today is a very special day, I decided to post what would happen in my life on a very unspecial day. Therefore, here is a run-down of my typical day.

5:20 - Alarm number 1 goes off. I do not get up.
5:40 - Alarm number 2 goes off. I still do not get up. Instead, I fall back to sleep. (oops)
6:40 - My mum runs into my room and shouts at me for not being ready to go. My bus leaves in 23 minutes. I  glare out the window at the dark sky. Far too early to be awake. I get up, changed, makeuped, breakfasted, teeth brushed, and bag ready as I rush to do my snapchat streaks before I lose Wi-Fi. I get a lift to the bus station and an accompanying lecture on how I am late, again.
7:04 - I arrive at the bus station. The bus should have been here and gone again by now, although thankfully it is (as always) late.
7:07 - The bus arrives. I get on and sit down (top deck, back row, left corner) and greet my friends as they arrive on the bus. After about 5 minutes, I pick a victim from my friends and sleep. (on them).
8:05 - Arriving at college, I am groggily jarred awake, makeup half gone (sorry to the jacket of whomever I decided to sleep on) and hair astray.
8:10 - COFFEE AND 25p HASH BROWNS (yes I have already had breakfast, don't judge me).
8:45-12:00 - Lessons. Ew. Unless I have a free, in which case the time will be spent sleeping. Also probably more coffee.
12:00 - THE SWEET RELEASE OF LUNCH. AND COLLEGE WEDGES.
12:45-16:00 - See 8:45-12:00.
16:00 - Bus again, new friend to sleep on, sweet sweet sleep.
17:00 - Bus arrives at my bus stop once again. A lovely cold walk in the dark!
17:30 - HOME. HOME. SWEET, SWEET HOME.
17:30-21:00 - Honestly who knows. I don't even know what I do in this time. Sick memes? Wish my life away? Waste time on social media? All of the above I reckon.
21:00 - The late panicky realisation of the sheer volume of homework I have due for tomorrow. I still don't do any of it.
22:30 - I realise I probably should do that homework, after all. I cry. WHY is French grammar so hard?!?!?!?!
00:30- That French homework is FINALLY over, and I resolve that from now on I shall do all other homework I get the day that I get it. I don't, but the thought is always there. I vow to do the other million pieces of homework I have for tomorrow on the bus in the morning. I won't do that either, but oh well. Sorry to all my teachers (and my parents, guess I won't be getting good grades again, goodbye Oxbridge!).
00:31 - The sweet, sweet release of temporary unconsciousness.

AND repeat.

Achievable Aspirations: Confidence

For this week's Achievable Aspiration, I challenge you to do something that I find very difficult: be confident!
This doesn't mean you have to be overly loud, or speak to every single person you see, or even do a bit of *gulp* public speaking. It simply means that you are comfortable in your own skin, and feel good about both your strengths and your weaknesses. This is hard, I know. But if you cant be confident; fake it! When you tell the outside world that you're confident by standing tall, putting your shoulders back, and smiling, then you feel confident inside.
When I decided to fake confidence, I started to love myself more, and I actually became confident. By the way, self-love is not synonymous with arrogance. Self-love is healthy; arrogance is not.
Apart from making yourself feel better about the world, confidence helps your relationships with others: it inspires trust, and when you're confident, you are naturally more appealing to strangers. Maybe you could make some friends simply by acting confident just for a day.

The Versatile Blogger Award

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Today's post is a little out of the ordinary: The Versatile Blogger Award. I was tagged by the lovely Anna (who actually got me into blogging!) so go and check out her version of this post! The idea is to give your readers 7 facts about yourself, so here goes!


1) Bring on fact number 1: I love to write! As in, physically write (pen and paper). For college and to save time, I usually type, however there's something about the glide of a pen forming the curves and harsh lines of letters that really gets me. Because of time constraints and practicality, the only time I actually write write is in my journal, in my Bible, or occasionally when writing poetry. When was the last time you old-school wrote? Is it a regular occurrence for you? I'm going to try and make it one for me.

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2) Mentioning the Bible previously, this leads on nicely to fact number 2: I am a Christian. I've mentioned it before on here but I still haven't done The Big Christian Post :P. The change in belief is something that's happened relatively recently and quickly to me; I felt a change happening for a long time, but I admitted to myself what was actually happening in maybe summer of this year? Was raised in what I'd describe as an atheist family with strong emphasis on science, so choosing what to believe for myself was (and is) a huge deal for me. Honestly, I couldn't be happier that this change has happened inside me. That being said, I still have a long way to go before I'm totally comfortable in my faith. This journey is being helped massively by my family (who are so much less judgemental than I thought they'd be), my friends (ditto), and the other Christians I know (in particular Isaac and Zulobia, who 100% will not be reading this but still). If you ever have any questions about religion, please please please contact me! I'll be more than happy to answer any questions you have (or to pass them on to someone more qualified to answer!), or to pray for you or a loved one.

3) The topic of Christianity sets up this fact: My inspiration in life is Rachel Joy Scott. Again, I haven't done The Big Rachel Post, but I'll try and sum it up here. She was born in 1981 and lived a short life that was filled to the brim with spirituality and compassion. She lived not only for God, but for others. She always put her own needs last, which inspires me to do the same. My aim is to be as full of compassion and righteousness as she was. Her relationship with Jesus was so unique and powerful that 11 months prior to her death, she predicted it. Unfortunately, she was shot and killed in the Columbine High School massacre of 1999, leaving only her memory, journals, and Rachel's Challenge as a legacy.

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4) To get off the topic of religion: I currently have a weird obsession with the piano. I cant play it, never have and probably never will, but there's something about it that I cant get enough of. In fact, right now I'm listening to Beethoven's "Moonlight" by Valentina Lisitsa (who is one of THE MOST talented pianists out there, in my opinion). I have no urge to play the piano myself, but for some unknown reason I am soothed and yet riled up by it's delicate passion. I'm also kind of getting into violin at the moment (again listening, not playing), but the piano is really special to me right now. My favourite pieces are probably Beethoven's "Moonlight", as mentioned before, Karl Jenkins' "Palladio" by Mark Klett, and the incredibly moving "Elegy for the Victims of the Tsunami" by Nobuyuki Tsujii.

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5) Staying on the subject of music: This is the first Christmas in 6 years in which I did not perform at my school's Christmas concert. It feels weird, I don't like it. I went to see this year's concert (which was so fabulous btw, congrats if you're reading this Mr Lawrenson/Veale) and I couldn't help but feel such a sense of longing to be back on stage. Unfortunately, because of the subjects I chose to do at college I am unable to perform at any point in my college years, which is kind of a bummer. Still, the concert was lovely and festive and filled with talent, but I still couldn't help wishing that I was a part of it again!

6) Onto number 6: I LOVE to travel, and my favourite ever place to go is South Africa. I first visited in the Summer of 2012, and I was lucky enough to go back to the beautiful country this Summer. I have a passion for wildlife, so a safari holiday is perfect for me, and there's something so special about seeing wild animals where they're supposed to be, as opposed to in a cage. We had a couple of close encounters with elephants, most prevalently at 3am when I was alone in an unlocked cabin with 3 huge elephants eating from the thatched roof. But still, the thrill and adrenaline made the fear worth it's while. I would relish the chance to go back, should I ever be lucky enough.

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7) And finally, number 7: I adore A Very Potter Musical (and Sequel) by Starkid. Like really, really adore it. Not a day goes by where I don't quote it somehow, be that in song or speech, and I happen to be lucky enough that a few of my friends also love it, so they understand my quotes! The humour, the talent, the Potterness! It honestly warms my heart and never fails to cheer me up. Many a free have I spent at college watching a re-watching both AVPM and AVPS (Joe Walker marry me please), and I can't think of a single more productive way of spending a few dozen frees.

I hope you enjoyed 7 facts about me, and maybe learned something! For the award I tag Minerva (mainly because of the super cool name!). I look forward to reading your post! :)

Achievable Aspirations: 'Travel'

Hi guys! Another Wednesday, another Achievable Aspiration. This week's is to visit a place you've never been to!
Now, a common yet not easily attainable resolution is to 'travel more'. This resolution is vague and difficult to see whether or not you've actually achieve it. However, if your resolution is simply to visit one new place, this is far easier to log.
This place doesn't have to be another country, or even another city. It could be the museum in your town, or that gorgeous campsite down the road, or even just that new café that recently opened.
Your resolutions don't have to massively change your life, but they can easily change your day.
So get out, and visit that museum; learn something new! Have a weekend camping with your friends/family/partner and get back to nature! Try a new type of hot drink (Although we all know a simple black americano is the only good hot drink)!
So get out there, and 'travel'. It doesn't have to be far.

Top 10 Books

Recently a lot of people have asked me what my favourite book is, so I decided to make a post about it! Here are (in order) my 10 favourite contemporary fiction books.

10) The Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging series (Louise Rennison, 1999-2009 (plus spinoffs))
Guilty pleasure alert!! These books follow Georgia Nicholson, the protagonist, and her band of friends (Jas, Rosie, and Ellen, mainly) as she attempts to find and keep a boyfriend, deal wth her eccentric family, and shrink her nose. All 10 books in this series are absolute comedy gold. The movie based on the first book is exceptionally chick-flicky, and does the entire series justice with how fantastically awkward early-teen-y it is. If you're aged 11+ and haven't read at least one of the books in this series, stop reading this right now and go and read them all. You won't regret it, I promise.

9) Will Grayson, Will Grayson (John Green and David Levithan, 2010)
This book has two protagonists, both with the same name. It is told from the two Will's perspectives, which is difficult to follow at first, but you soon become used to the two authors' writing styles. The book addresses a number of difficult topics as is typical of Green, but also is ver, very funny. The only reason it isn't higher up on my list is that the characters are kind of stereotypical and one-dimensional in my humble opinion (I revel in complex characters).

8) Hex Hall (Rachel Hawkins, 2010)
Oh, Hex Hall. What a story. Complex characters, innovative storylines, humour, drama, horror, mystery. What more could you want from a book? Another solid guilty pleasure of mine, I have absolutely no idea how many times I've read it, apart form too many times and yet not enough.

7) Forgotten (Cat Patrick, 2011)
I adore every single one of Patrick's novels, but Forgotten has to be my favourite. It follows a teenage girl, London, who every morning wakes up not remembering anything. In addition to this, she can see the future, up until 4:33AM every day, when her memory of the coming day is lost. Complicated, I know, but so with it. I've shed many a tear reading this and plan to shed a lot more re-reading it for the millionth time.

6) Mockingjay (Suzanne Collins, 2010)
Do you really think I could do a novel list without mentioning dystopian fiction? It's the BEST genre, so deserves to be mentioned a lot. Do I need to explain the plot of The Hunger Games to you? Surely you know it by now. Mockingjay is easily the best of the trilogy, which is pretty fantastic all round. The final book is so sad and makes you think so much. I especially adore how Katniss is (spoiler alert) suffering from major PTSD, as a real human would be in her situation, and this isn't just glossed over as it would be in many other books. I don't know why, but I really love Katniss as a character in the books, especially in Mockingjay.

5) The Marked series (PC and Kristin Cast, 2007-2014 (plus novellas and spinoffs))
Oh boy, if I could give every book in the series it's own place in this list, I would. This series is set in one of the most developed universes I've ever read about, and I commend the Casts for that. Also, the main characters (Zoey, Stevie-Ray, Shaunee, Erin, Aphrodite, Damien, Jack, Erik, Stark, Neferet, etc) are so wonderfully complex, even though they don't seem it at first. Zoey and her inner circle are kind of Mary-Sues to begin with, but once you're through the first few books they're so developed it's like watching a child grow up. So so so highly recommended. Vampyres, fledglings, crushes, young love, weird teacher-student relationships, and the end of the world. Fantastic.

4) The Fault in Our Stars (John Green, 2012)
Okay yes, I know its everyone's favourite book and I'm so not indie anymore but there is a reason for it's widespread adoration. The movie was pretty good, but the book is exceptional. Hazel is so relatable, even to someone who has never had a life-threatening disease, and somehow Green has the knack of perfectly writing from a teenage girls' perspective, even as a 30-something year old man. Hazel and Augustus' relationship is complicated, and not perfect like its shown to be in the film. (Also, Isaac (the cool blind one) is so cool and so blind and my absolute favourite character). READ IT!

3) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (JK Rowling, 2005)
I know everyone says that Prisoner of Azkaban is the best one, and I kinda agree with them, but for me, Half-Blood Prince is a very close second. I refuse to believe that theres anyone with internet access who doesn't know the plot of Harry Potter, so I won't bother explaining it. HBP is the best book of the series because it explores the world of Draco Malfoy, one of the most interesting characters I've ever had the pleasure of reading about. I adore how Rowling can make me care for a character so much and feel so bad for them whilst at the same time making me hope for their demise. Genius on her part.

2) The Death Cure (James Dashner, 2011)
NEWTNEWTNEWTNEWT!!!!!!! Oh goodness me I do love Newt. The Death Cure is the third and final instalment of the The Maze Runner trilogy. It's also the best instalment in my opinion. It's funny, it's sad (like really, really, really sad), and it's a perfect end to a perfect series. The Death Cure explores more mature themes than the previous two books, which already explore some pretty nasty ideas. It's not a series for the faint-hearted, but it's pretty darn wonderful.

1) 13 Reasons Why (Jay Asher, 2007)
Here we go, onto my favourite contemporary fiction book of all time (what an honour)!!!!!!!! This book is so thought-provoking and emotional it's still difficult for me to comprehend, even after reading it many times. The basic plot is thus: a boy receives 13 audio tapes in the mail, from a girl he knew who recently committed suicide. Each tape reveals one reason why she felt she had to kill herself and blames one person. The twist is that only the people mentioned on the tapes, so only the people to blame for her death, receive the tapes. Therefore, the boy realises he must be partly to blame for the dying. The book is so powerful I can't accurately express it in words. Jay Asher is a mastermind, and I hope to read more of his work soon.

Warning Sign

Remember this post when I talked about my very first short film, Warning Sign? Well, here's the poem that sparked it all. This was one of the first proper poems I ever wrote, and I think I'll always have a little soft spot for it. Also, it's inspired by my favourite film of all time; Zero Day (2003, Ben Coccio). Enjoy! (It's not really a poem you can exactly enjoy, actually, but experience it. Also, trigger warning: school shootings).

Their parents weep and pray for help, but all they gain is hatred.

The teachers seem detached, the paramedics seem sedated.

The media often ask: "The parents; are they blind?

Surely they must've known, were there no warning signs?"

But sometimes there aren't any, so the only sign you'll see

Is a black gloved hand, some combat boots, and a pain above your knee.

Your heartbeat will be quickening, a dull ache in your head

As you glance down to your lap in fear, to see a pool of red.

Maybe then the thought you'll think will be one more profound

Than the needless, vulgar, horrid ones you often shouted loud.

Maybe then you'll stop and see the pain that you ave caused,

And maybe then you'll teach your child to hate less and love more.

But maybe you won't have a child, and maybe now you'll die,

And maybe you'll not realise that you're the reason why

Two lovely children broke and then turned into twisted men,

And vowed to never, ever feel so powerless again.

They saw your 'harmless teasing' as a valid reason why

They should kill the school and teachers too, your words their battle cry.

So now I hope you're happy, even though you're scared.

The words you thought would hurt the boys instead made them prepared.

Their angry minds are swirling, their blackened hearts are dead.

Their sawed-off guns are howling at the children who have fled. 

You crouch under a table and you shed a single tear.

You best friend isn't breathing and you're paralysed with fear.

So is this what you pictured when you taunted and you teased

And you forced them to be lonely just because you were displeased 

With the clothes they wore, the things they said, the simple way they stood

And the fact that one of them caught the eye of the girl you never could.

She saw in him a spark, a light, a glimmer of something exciting,

And in you she saw the truth - a bully. That flame you were igniting

With your harsh words and harsher hits and incessant grating jeers

Will now be what destroys you thought your blood and sweat and tears.

You should've seen those warning signs,

You shouldn't have been so violent.

But most of all, my dear dead friend, 

You should've just stayed silent.

                                        -c.h.f

Achievable Aspirations: Hobby

Welcome to December's series: Achievable Aspirations! These will be reachable ideas for your 2017 New Year's resolutions because if you're like me, every year you'll make a bunch of resolutions that you won't keep. And then you feel like a failure. But, with these resolutions, you won't fail and break them, because they're actually attainable, unlike a lot of my normal resolutions.

This week's Attainable Aspiration: Take up a new hobby.

I know, I know. This is so cliché for New Year but it's a goodun'. Hobbies are so great, they provide entertainment, distraction, and talent, depending on what hobby you choose to take up. My personal recommendations are any typeof dance, horse-riding (maybe in the Summer instead, it gets very cold), and painting. I adore each of these, even though I'm kind of awful at them all. I used to do a lot of dance and I got very good at one point, but I haven't danced in so long, and it's something I'd love to get back into. It provides such a rush, especially if you're performing. Horse-riding is also excellent at giving you a sense of adrenaline and feeling alive. Once you et experience, you can canter and gallop, and i's so liberating to be in control of such a powerful animal. Painting is different for me, because I've never be very good at it and honestly I don't believe I ever will be. I don't have the natural talent to pursue it as a career, but that by no means stops me from hauling out the acrylics every now and then. To paint is to create, and to allow yourself to put your thoughts into images. I can imagine nothing more freeing of the brain.

Can

He can bring down cities
And crush armies like bugs
He can bring down my defences
And crush me in a hug

He can tell me sweet nothings
Like they really do mean nought
He can talk and talk and talk some more
About things he was never taught

He can hold me close of push me far
Or pretend I don't exist
He can touch me gently with his hand
Or not so with his fist

He can claim to be some superman
But there's one thing he can never;
He cannot be the one I want
For I won't be his slave forever

For I can be a superman
And can and will save me
For he can take care of himself
And I can at last be free.

                                        -c.h.f

A-Z Of Me

Happy December!! December has to be my absolute favourite month, because who doesn't love Christmas?!?! Also (thanks to my gorgeous friend Lizzie) I have a series planned for this month: Achievable Aspirations! They will be every Wednesday as usual, and will be reasonable resolutions for you to make in preparation for the new year.

So, for today's post, I looked at every letter of the alphabet, then wrote down the first word that came into my head beginning with said letter. Here's me trying to explain these words.

Apples - Okay so I'm vegan, so I kind of have to like apples, and I really really do like them. I'm actually craving an apple right now, which is almost definitely why I thought of this word.

Barbaric - What a lovely word. If I was reading deeply into this, I'd say i thought of it because of how the world seems to be turning (what with Trump and Brexit and I'm A Celeb ending soon), but I'm not gonna turn it into that kind of post, so lets just say I like the word.

Clotted Cream - Okay um ew??? I don't eat regular cream, let alone once it's clotted. I do sort of love scones, though. Also, this has TWO Cs, so I think I should get double points.

Doodles - Well I do love a good doodle. Unfortunately, I cannot draw. Oh well.

Enochian - Aaaaaaand here comes the TV nerd. If you're not aware (why on Earth should you be???) Enochian is the language of the angels on Supernatural, the TV show.

Freddy - Aw this is a cute one. One of my old cats was called Freddie, and I'm still kind of in love with Fred Weasley, so I adore the name Fred/Freddy/Freddie. When I thought of it now, I had to spell it the way I did, for some reason.

Galapagos - Honestly I don't even now where the Galapagos Island are. They sound fancy, so I'm sure I'd love to go there one day.

Holly - It's Chriiiiiiistmaaaaaaas!!! I've just finished decorating the Christmas tree, so this is probably where holly came from.

Iguana - Who knows. I was probably picturing Joey Essex saying 'there's a dragon on that bridge' oh boy hahahahahaha how funny.

Japan - Clearly I don't know many J words. I'd love to go to Japan, but not enough that it should be at the forefront of my mind.

Kaleidoscope - Oh what a lovely word. Just keeps on giving.

Laminate - Right so what's going on in my brain? Laminating apparently. Probably some vague connection to the fact that I should be doing work right now and I'm definitely not.

Marriage - Aw cute.

No-Man's-Land - Honestly what???? Brain, come on! There are so many N words and you decide to go with no-man's land????? And I wonder why I'm failing all my subjects...

Obliviate - BAM here's the nerd again... For you cool people who don't know what I'm on about, Obliviate is a spell from Harry Potter, designed to wipe someone's memory of a specific thing (like I'm hoping will happen to me about this post oh wow).

Polynesian - ??? I don't know what this word means. Please educate me in the comments.

Quebec - Oh it just sounds so lovely. Also Quebecois is the nicest word.

Rasputin - Hello Modern History A Level. And that song that goes 'Ra-Ra-Rasputin'.

Sasquatch - Again, it just sounds lovely. I feel like these words are getting more and more random.

Titles - As in, you should be titling a novel (and then writing it!!!!!!!) but instead you are writing about Rasputin and Sasquatch. Wow.

Umbridge - Oh the Potter nerd within me is just too strong. Joe Walker as Umbridge is fantastic too, I hope he is what my brain meant.

Vacuum - Pretty sure my mum was vacuuming whilst I was word-thinking.

Where's Wally - I'm just gonna accept the weird ones now, I thought this would be so personal and revealing, but it's really just revealed me as a nerd and a very odd person.

Xylophone - Because there are like 0 other X words. X-ray doesn't count.

Yo Sushi - WHAT???????? I DON"T EVEN EAT SUSHI AND I"VE NEVER BEEN TO A YO SUSHI WHY BRAIN.

Zambeezee  - Alright so it turns out this isn't even a word. I think this sums up how well this post went.

I Am... Happy

Happiness.
What does that word mean to you?
Is it a person? A place? One prevalent moment of laughter?
For me, happiness isn't a memory, nor is it a goal to aim for. It's a way of life, a mindset, a means of living. Happiness is not a job or a destination, it shouldn't be something that's on your bucket list. You should be doing the things on your bucket list whilst being happy.

For a while now, I've been debating what makes me happy. Here's what I came up with (in no particular order):

• seeing a sunrise
• 3am deep chats with close friends
• Bo Burnham
• the nostalgia of my memory box
• Skins
• when you wake up and think it's time to get up but really it's 2am and you have 4 more hours to sleep
• the feel of a hot water bottle thawing your body on a cold day
• Rachel Joy Scott
• Bee Movie memes
• being vegan
• Zero Day
• hugs
• baking
• complex characters
• Twenty One Pilot's cover of Cancer by My Chemical Romance
• that vine where a lil Spanish girl is laughing then her chewing gum falls out and she mutters 'oh, mi chicle' oh boy that gets me every time
• how my family almost literally used to be the family from Outnumbered
• Harry Potter (!!!)
• sleeping on friends on the bus to/from college
• Barack Obama singing
• my GCSE Music class (hi Mr Lawrenson I miss you)
• people who have a wide vocabulary and utilise it in daily life
• 13 Reasons Why
• Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time by Panic! At The Disco
• avocados
• when it's a stranger's birthday at college and everyone in the canteen claps
• meditation
• people pointing out your little idiosyncrasies
• The Death Cure
• finding cheap vinyl
• online shopping
• putting up the Christmas tree
• group chats
• The Jonas Brothers (I know, I'm embarrassed)
• spending time with God
• when you're told nice things that people have said behind your back (I call it kind bitching)
• NoContextLouis on twitter oh boy
• Louis Theroux in general tbf
• passive-aggressive vegan memes
• reading other people's poetry/novels/writings
• Emma Watson
• films which make exceptional use of colour
• singing
• seeing strangers show unprovoked compassion
• my faith
• PositivePlant on twitter
• that Michael McIntyre sketch about different name spellings
• when you've finished watching a live show and the cast are bowing and for no reason you suddenly flood with tears (no?? just me?? oh...)
• when the whole family's down and you're annoyed at the noise then you realise how lucky you are despite it
• Joe Walker as Umbridge
• hearing a cat purr
• seeing someone you love smile
• when you reread a poem you wrote a while ago and still? like it???
• Stellar Kart
• hearing one of your common phrases slip into a friend's vocabulary
• someone's face lighting up when talking about their passion

And so much more. These are a few of the things that bring happiness to my life, and I didn't even mention the largest contributors; my friends and their undying banter, my close family and our improbable harmony, simple life itself.

As this is the final Wednesday (and the final day!) of November, this is the final post of I Am..., so if you have any requests or suggestions for what the Wednesday series should be for December, let me know! 

Also, let me know what makes you happy, and what happiness means to you.

Thank you for reading. 

Dear 15-Year-Old Me

To Charlotte, circa April 2015.

It's okay.

People don't care as much as you think they do. They don't care about your weight, or your size, or the way your hair sticks out at an odd angle when you've slept funny. They aren't bothered if your makeup doesn't look like it normally does, or if you do a little worse than usual on a test. All of these things only affect you, and everyone feels the same about themselves.

Despite all of these things that everyone else doesn't care about, they do care about you. Your friends are just that: friends. Cherish the moments you spend with them and know that you deserve to spend time with them. You're gonna go through some hard times with them (and some harder times without them), but you're also gonna make some memories that you'll never, ever want to forget. Make time for friends, you don't always have to be waiting for someone else to make plans. Furthermore, you don't have to say yes to every plan you're offered. If you need some alone time, have some. You're only human, and you need to remember that. But then, you do have to leave the house at some point. Being cooped up isn't good for anyone, it just forces you to stew in your thoughts and riles up your inner storm.

Be thankful for the friends you currently have (I'm sure thankful that you had them), and don't take them for granted because one day you won't be as close or even know them at all, and that won't have to be sad if you take all that you can get from the relationships while they last. On the subject of friends, don't be scared of being alone. When you go to college you'll meet the most amazing people who will quickly become an extension of yourself. These wonderful people will make you want to get up at 5:30am, just so you can see them. Make sure to thank your current friends and future friends regularly because they deserve to know how important and valued they are.

Make sure to thank your family too. They might get on your nerves a lot (honestly I wonder if that'll ever change), but they do mean well, and they won't be there forever. Thankfully they are whilst I'm writing this, but you're already thinking about next steps and moving on and moving out and moving away, so treasure the time you have left with them. Tell the people you love that you love them more than you think you should, because sometimes people need to hear it.

You're changing at the moment; your ideals are becoming less skewed and your beliefs are finally emerging. Embrace this change; stop fighting it. Trust me, you'll love it once you're settled in yourself. Things for you now aren't all that good, but I promise you that they will be. You'll be happy, you'll start finally living, as opposed to just being, surviving. You're gonna drag yourself out of this hole and it's gonna be hard, but oh boy will it be worth it. You don't know how to accept help at the moment but you'll need to; you can't do this by yourself. It's not weak to need saving. You're strong, stronger than you perceive yourself to be. Use that strength to save yourself and then to save others.

This hard time won't last forever.
Neither will this year.
Neither will secondary school.
But your happiness can, you just have to fight for it. You are worthy of so much more than you think. Love others, love yourself, and above all else remember to spread joy wherever possible.

Also stop being a dick, you really get on my nerves.

From Charlotte, circa November 2016.

I Am... A Nerd

Nerd

noun

1. A foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.

2. A single-minded expert in a particular technical field.

(oxford dictionary)

I LOVE to read. I adore it. Always have, hopefully always will. Apparently this makes me a nerd. I'm not bothered about being called a nerd; it's not an insult, it's a personality trait. When I decided to write this post, I looked up the definition of the word 'nerd' to check what I was essentially labelling myself, and I was (and still am) very confused and surprised at the definition above. I don't (think I) lack social skills, and honestly I'm not even relatively studios, let alone boringly so. Someone being interested in things which are typically 'nerdy' doesn't make them anti-social. I can watch movies/talk about books/obsess over a character with my friends, making me not anti-social (apologies for the double negative there, but had to get my point across). 

On the subject of studious-ness (studiosity? That sounds a lot like a Georgia Nicholson quote), I really don't understand why people who revise and study more than others are considered uncool. Believe me, I'm not one of them, I couldn't revise for a test that isn't the next morning if my life depended on it. But still, I kind of wish I was one of them, I'd definitely do better in exams if I was. People seem to always condemn others' pursuits for success, and their drive or motivation. This really doesn't make any sense to me, I admire those who can strive for greatness and do everything in their power to get there.

Back to the first point of nerds, I also don't believe that I'm single-minded, about anything. And I'm definitely not an expert in any field, let alone a technical one. I'm one of those people who's alright at most things, and not fantastic at any one thing, so by this definition, I'm not a nerd. 

But I 100% am. 

I hate how much I care about fictional characters and their fictional lives, I hate the way a good weekend for me would be binge-watching Harry Potter, I hate how I can't walk past a bookshop without spending an absolute fortune. 

But I love how an author can make you feel and care for someone who isn't real through simple words, I love the comfort of curling up and listening to the familiar Warner Bros intro, I love that feeling when you finally finish a book, only to glance over at your sky-high reading list. 

I love to read, I love films, and I love being a 'nerd', but this definition isn't what it means to be a nerd to me. 

That Feeling

I like
to feel.
Physically or emotions.
I like
that feeling
when your heart
lifts to your throat
and your pulse jumps and flutters
and adrenaline courses
to your head
and your toes
and your fingertips.

But I hate
that feeling
when your heart
caves in
and your ribs crunch and suffocate you
and unite with your constricting lungs
to make you gasp
and gulp
and puff.

And I'm not sure how I feel about
when both those feelings
happen
all at once

and your heart is up and down and in a million pieces
and you think you'll be sick from the breathlessness and rushing blood,
from the swirling of your mind
and the crushing of your torso
as the storming and crumbling of your body
makes you
Feel.

                                           -c.h.f

15 Quotes

I adore quotes. I sometimes find it difficult to express my thoughts, so I find that quoting other people helps me to articulate my own thoughts, through theirs. Here are my top 15 quotes, some of which I agree wholeheartedly with, some of which I find interesting/amusing, and some of which I simply like, for some reason. Feel free to send me some of your favourite quotes!

15. 'People will never know how far a little kindness can go.' - Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

To begin, here is a quote from my main inspiration in life, Rachel Scott. I love this quote because of the truth of it's implications; one kind deed, even a simple smile, could change someone's entire mindset, even if it's just for an hour, or a day.

14. 'Is there no way out of the mind?' - Sylvia Plath (1932-1963)

Sylvia Plath is one of the greatest poets of all time, and this quote aptly expresses the way I sometimes feel: trapped within the confines of myself. I often feel this way when trying to write but the words just won't come out, or when I am struck speechless with dumbfoundedness.

13. 'To die will be an awfully big adventure.' - J M Barrie (1860-1937)

I have previously spoken about my assurance that death is not to be feared, and this quote accurately sums up my feelings towards the matter; we should not be afraid of something simply because it is unknown.

12. 'I will sooner die than betray my own thoughts.' - Eric Harris (1981-1999)

It worries me how much I relate to this quote from a mass murderer, but I am adamantly dedicated to the truth within my thoughts, I refuse to act in a way that contradicts my moral code and/or my thoughts.

11. 'Non omnis moriar (I will not altogether die).' - Horace (65BC-8BC)

This quote never fails to bring me comfort when I think of my dearly departed friends. People do not altogether die, because we can hear their laughter in a Summer breeze, and feel their warmth in our hearts, and see their smile when we close our eyes. Nobody is ever truly gone. Death is not finite.

10. 'Better to light a candle than curse the darkness.' - Peter Benenson (1921-2005)

There is no use in complaining about injustice, you must act and try to create that hope, create that light, create that justice. There is always hope and there is always light, so you can always eradicate the darkness.

9. '(after online rant entitled 'You Know What I Hate?' detailing the type of people he hates) And sorry if I offended you, but, if I did, that means you are one of the people that I mentioned I hate, so I guess I'm not sorry, you asshole.' - Eric Harris (1981-1999)

Here is another quote from Harris (see 12), however I do not relate to this one. I included this in my list because I find the psychology behind it fascinating. I feel like this quote completely sums up Harris' thoughts leading up to the massacre he caused, and attempting to understand the mind of a killer intrigues me.

8. '(of animals) The question is not 'Can they reason?', nor 'Can they talk?', but 'Can they suffer?'.' - Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832)

I love this quote because of how it rings true with myself. This mindset is the main reason that I went vegan, as animals are sentient and have nerve cells, and so can feel pain. To me, the only logical reaction to this knowledge is to not harm them.

7. 'I am large. I contain multitudes.' - Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

If you know me in real life, you'll know I ADORE Whitman. I also adore this quote, because a human being is large, in spirit. Human's are not just one thought, or one belief, or one trait. They are large, they contain multitudes, they can be whomever they aspire to be, and can do whatever they aspire to do.

6. '(when leaving the House of Commons) I wish everyone, friend or foe, well. That is that. The end.' - Tony Blair (1953- )

This is my outlook on life. My aim is to always spread love and joy, no matter to whom. The end.

5. 'Colin is the sort of name you'd give a goldfish for a joke.' - Colin Firth (1960- )

Any readers who go to my college, you'll understand the inside joke ;). Aside from that, and the hilarity of this quote, said quote is important to me, because to me it represents how it is always good to be able to laugh at yourself. For a long time, I couldn't laugh at myself, and my existence was pretty miserable. To poke fun at oneself is to embrace humour and laughter in all walks of life.

4. 'We must be the change we wish to see in the world.' - Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)

I couldn't agree more with an insightful quote from a legendary man. We cannot expect things to change if we just sit back and let things happen. We must be the good that we desire.

3. 'I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.' - Lillian Hellman (1905-1984)

Especially prevalent after the recent hate that has been terrorising the world, this quote is valuable. I have a strict moral code by which I govern my existence, and I refuse to bow to societal standards if I do not feel they meet my ethics. I hate to quote my parents, but just because everyone else is doing something, doesn't mean it's right.

2. 'God moves in mysterious ways.' - William Cowper (1731-1800)

I do not pretend to understand the Lord's workings or reasonings, and this quote sometimes helps to reassure me when I feel my life is going awry. Remember that there is a plan for you, and everything will be alright in the end. Eventually, you will be better off than you are now, you just might have a tough road to get there. That tough road will change you for the better.

1. 'Compassion is the greatest form of love humans have to offer.' - Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

I began with a quote from Rachel Scott, so I'm going to end with one. This quote is so important to me and the way I choose to live my life. I couldn't agree more with it, and I often find myself reminding myself that all I have to do to have a successful day is be compassionate. If you want to be happy, show compassion. If you want others to be happy, show compassion. One simple gesture could start a chain reaction which will blossom into euphoria. Show compassion, and therefore show love.

To Come From Soil

If tall roses are red
And small violets blue
And brown is the filthy ground in which the flowers grew,

Then my words can be gorgeous
And will not be overtook
By the effigy I show the world; my exterior, my look.

For proven by these flora
Is that anything can spawn
From the plainest of beginnings; you are not what you were born.

                                            -c.h.f

I Am... A Vegan

Recently, I've had many people I know in real life asking me about veganism; why I became vegan, what I eat, what difference it makes to my life etc. In this post, I'd like to answer these questions, and clear up some issues surrounding vegans.

Firstly, what is a vegan?

The word 'vegan' is synonymous with 'plant-based', meaning that we only eat things that come from plants. Therefore, vegans don't eat meat or fish (like vegetarians), but we also don't consume any other animal products e.g. milk, cheese, yogurt, eggs, honey, gelatine etc. Also, veganism is more of a lifestyle than a diet, so we also don't use other animal-based products including leather, fur, suede, silk etc.

Why did you become vegan?

In mid 2015, I watched a video on Facebook about how factory-farmed animals are treated and killed, and it really struck a nerve with me. I'm normally okay with gore, loving horror movies, but for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about this video, and every time I thought about it, I wanted to throw up. I just wasn't aware of what factory animals went through (and are still going though) just to be eaten. On that day, I decided to go vegetarian, and then I changed my mind - I wanted to go vegan. Honestly, it's mainly because I wanted to be different, and vegetarian wasn't daring enough for me, but I'm so glad that it worked out, and nowadays I'm not vegan just to be indie! Now, I'm still shell-shocked by the vile treatment of factory animals, but I'm also staying vegan because I now believe that life is more important than anything else in the world, and this is because of my relationship with God. Even if you aren't religious or spiritual, surely you can appreciate the wonder that is life; human or otherwise. This deep-set marvel of the miracle of life is what keeps me from breaking and just thinking 'screw it, I might as well eat meat'. So now, I've been vegan for almost a year and a half. 

What do you eat?

This is normally the first question that people ask me once they find out that I'm vegan, and I'm still not quite sure how to respond.Whatever you eat minus the items mentioned above, and with substitutes instead. Generally, there are a few different types of vegan 'diets'. Most vegans are HCLF (high carb low fat), but there are also raw vegans, macrobiotics, fruitarians, and an endless list of others. Personally, If I had to categorise myself, I'd be HCLF, because I adore pasta too much to go raw. 

What's good about going vegan?

Apart from saving and/or bettering the lives of countless animals (more than 56 billion animals are killed for food every year, not including fish and other marine animals, are their death toll is so great that they are measured in tonnes), going vegan helps the environment in numerous other ways. For one, livestock is responsible for 51% of worldwide greenhouse gas emissions, which means that funding the meat industry contributes more to global warming than all transportation exhaust fumes put together. Many of us are worried about climate change, but we aren't told the real reasons for it. Growing crops to feed livestock uses 56% of water in the US. 12% of the world's population does not have access to clean drinking water, and the first world is wasting it mass-producing animals. Furthermore, livestock and feed for livestock covers 45% of the Earth's total land, again because of the large-scale mass-production of farmed animals. Animal agriculture also 'is the leading cause of species extinction, ocean dead zones, water pollution, and habitat destruction'. Remember when everyone was freaking out because the Great Barrier Reef is dying? That's almost an 'ocean dead zone'. Speaking of oceans, fish are often overlooked by vegetarians and vegans (especially pescatarians, but let's not talk about them), but they are in just as much peril. Fishless oceans could be a possibility by 2048. I will not even be 50 by the time fish are extinct. Will my grandchildren ever be able to see a fish? Not if we keep fishing at the rate we are now. 

In addition to the worldwide benefits, going plant-based is good for your body. When I went vegan, my skin cleared up, my hair got healthier and shinier, I lost weight and felt healthier and happier within myself. Also, not eating meat greatly reduces your risk of heart disease and heart attacks due to high cholesterol and blood pressure. (Plus, it's a super great talking point, so there's never awkward silences when you meet new people. One mention of veganism from a friend and you're in the middle of a heated debate.)

What's bad about going vegan?

I had to think long and hard about this question, but I promised myself that I'd answer it, because I feel the need to be unbiased, especially after last week's politically biased post! Therefore, the negatives to veganism are: 

1) You have to plan every meal. You can't randomly choose to go out to dinner, unless you're sure that where you're going will cater for vegans. Also, when you're at a friend's and they order pizza, you can't have any. :(

2) The MEMES. I personally consider this a positive, but some people get annoyed by the sheer volume of vegan (or should I say anti-vegan) memes out there. For someone who spends as much time online as I do, you can't go an hour without seeing at least five vegan memes. Mainly because you'll always get tagged in them, no matter who by, because you're the only vegan they know. Plus, people love to talk about meat in front of you, which I don't actually mind, but it gets kind of annoying when you're told 'but BACON though!!!' for the tenth time that day.

3) Stigmas. There are so many people who genuinely believe that vegans are all hippies who just eat cabbage and talk about being vegan all day. Contrastingly to this post, I actually don't talk about being vegan that much, it's normally other people who bring it up (Lord knows how they find out I'm vegan). Also, some people dislike you straight away solely because you're vegan, which is kind of ridiculous. What I eat doesn't affect my personality. 

4) Protein. Goodness me, the number of people who've told me I can't survive without meat!!! Clearly, I'm alive. Therefore clearly, I can. It's amazing, when someone finds out what you eat, they somehow immediately become nutritionists! I don't have to take supplements for protein or calcium or other non-vegan-related essentials, but I do prefer to take multivitamins, simply because I always seem to have a cold. This isn't because I don't eat meat (it isn't helped by that either, but still), it's because my immune system has always been slightly awful. 

Didn't God create animals for us to eat?

I don't know, is the honest answer. I personally don't think so, because as stated earlier, I believe that life is more important than anything, so I believe that plants were created for food, and animals were not. I'll refer you to Genesis 1:29 'And God said "Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed... to you it shall be for food"'. Obviously I can only speak as a Christian, and as for other religious people with their own opinions on meat and other food consumption, as well as other Christian's opinions, I cannot speak for their views. 

But cows don't have to die to give milk?

True, in theory. However in practice, this couldn't be more wrong. In order for cows to lactate, just like humans they must be pregnant/breastfeeding a child. Therefore, the cow must have a child before being milked. What is done with this child? If it is male, it is immediately ripped from it's mother and sent to slaughter if it's lucky, or if not, it is brandished in a ring and bid on for hours crying for it's mother, before finally being taken away and slaughtered. If the calf is female, then it is destined for the same life of artificial insemination, disease, and entrapment as her mother. As well as the calves' deaths, many many cows die every year due to filthy living conditions, disease, improper waste disposal, and other microbes which run riot in factory farms. The same microbes which get into your milk and meat.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you've learned something about veganism. If you have any other questions please feel free to contact me with them, and if you know me in real life, please do the same! I'm always happy to answer genuine questions about my lifestyle, and would love to hear your opinions on things. :D 

Statistic creds: Goodland, R Anhang, J., Jacobson, Michael F., Thornton, Phillip, Mario Herrero, Polly Ericksen, Oppenlander, Richard A., National Geographic, animalequality.net.

eleven:eleven

Today I'd like to make a post about war and peace (not the book [ew forget I attempted to make that joke I'm so ashamed]), in response to both the peaceful and militant protests which are currently happening all over America. I recently made a tweet about said protests, which for some reason has proved very popular, so take a look at it if you have a chance. Also, today is remembrance day, so this ties in nicely with the theme of today's post. This week's poem also relates to the theme of peace and protesting, so go and check it out!

I'm not afraid of death. This doesn't mean I want to die, far from it, but it means that I'm not destroyed when someone close to me dies, because I feel secure in the knowledge that they aren't hurting, and they're happy. Although I do not fear death, and I don't see death as an ending, I believe that life is so much more important than death. This belief has made me live my life in the least violent way possible, as I value peace so highly. Not just peace meaning no war, but peace within friendships and relationships, and within yourself. 

I am often at war with myself, over silly things and more important things; what to do on the weekend, whether to skip lessons or not, what religious denomination I am. But I am constantly working on becoming at peace with my emotions and actions, as you can't live a truly full life if you're at war with yourself, as a part of you would never be happy, no matter which option you choose. I debate and reason with myself daily, and this genuinely helps me feel more grounded and more myself, I guess (it's difficult for me to articulate, especially whilst maintaining proper grammar and an adequate vocabulary). 

But even when I am at peace with myself, the world never seems to be, and sometimes I genuinely think that it may never be, which makes me feel too gloomy for words. The recent protests in America have almost proved this to me. They're due to an election, in which (obviously) not every single person will be content with the outcome, as there is more than one choice. But even though someone's discontented with something, they needn't turn to violence. Change can be achieved though peace; through strong words and meaningful gestures. To make your voice heard you need only speak, your voice is not intensified by fighting. 

Even though I say this, war has still happened. And is still happening. There's no way to get around this, and to pretend that it isn't true would frankly be offensive to those who have (and are) risking their lives for their ethics and to help others. I admire our veterans, I really, truly do. I could never do what they have done - I suppose I consider myself a pacifist. But that doesn't mean I appreciate their sacrifice any less than someone who is more in favour of fighting. (Can one ever be in favour of fighting? To me it seems to be a sort of major juxtaposition. Maybe that's just me.) I, and countless others (the whole world in fact) will be forever grateful to the irrevocably valiant men and women who have taken a stand and a bullet for humanity and for peace. On this day, Remembrance Sunday, I'd like for you to stop whatever you're doing (AKA reading this),  and take a moment to think about what your life would be like had your countrymen not fought for what they believed in. No matter what country you come from or live in or have ever lived in, I'm positive that your life would not be the same without these gallant heroes, present or departed. 

Think about yourself, think about your family and friends, and think about the world. Reflect upon your relationships with them - are they as strong and as positive as you wish them to be? If not, why? At this time of remembrance and looking back, take a chance to look forwards too; if you want to change something about your life, do it! What's stopping you? If the answer to that is yourself, it couldn't be easier to rectify. 

Remember the past, contemplate the future, but most of all; don't forget to live for the present. 

Peaceful But Not Powerless

You riot and protest with actions so loud,
Whilst I stand beside you, my head tall and proud.
For we are not different, our intentions are the same.
My actions are less militant, but no less untamed.

My weapons are words, piercing and true,
Whilst yours hurt everyone, they even hurt you.
While you're throwing punches, I'm throwing words.
I speak my true feelings, I make sure they're heard.

You're breaking windows and bones, and even hearts too.
Instead I'm creating, to make the world anew.
You don't have to be violent to get your point across.
We can stand still, great, and loud, and not be at a loss.

But then please don't be silent just because you hate to harm,
For we can change the nation whilst we are unarmed.
A weapon can be sharp without being a sword,
And my words are truly razor-sharp, shouted and roared.

So I'll never sit in silence, and I'll never close my eyes
To any injustice or hatred or an innocent child's cries.
But I'll never take up arms which cannot come from my mind,
For courageous words are how to save the lives of all mankind.

                                            -c.h.f

I Am... 17! (and other big news)

So today, I turned the ripe old age of 17! And as it's Wednesday, I decided to incorporate this special (well at least it's special for me) day into the series! Before I begin, I'd just like to thank Jemima for the inspiration for this post, which she titled Me At 17. Also, I'd like to wish my friend (and birthday twin) Anna a very happy birthday, again! Without further ado, on with I Am... 17!

So, who am I at seventeen?

Well, book-wise I still love my classics - Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, the Maze Runner, Cat Patrick, Jay Asher, and John Green to name but a few. However, I've also become a lot more interested in poetry. I really love Walt Whitman, Lord Byron, Sylvia Plath, and Erin Hanson. I've also started writing a lot more poetry, as you can see from this blog! Clearly, I started a blog too, which has made it much more simple for me to lay out my points of view and organise my thoughts.
Film-wise I'm again still loving the classics, but have become more interested in older films and other genres, mainly thanks to my friends and my Film class. I've also tried to make my first short film; Warning Sign. Furthermore, I'm very excited to see the next instalment of the Harry Potter franchise: Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, which is out in the UK on November 18th, and the Miss Saigon 25th anniversary show, which will hopefully be as good as it's Les Miserables counterpart!
In general, I've changed a heck of a lot. I consider myself a Christian (for roughly 9 months now), a vegan (for a year and five months!), a feminist, a Labour supporter, a humanitarian, a Democrat (if I was American), and much more open to others' views, opinions, and prejudices (as a reminder, my aim is always to educate and increase love and tolerance, never to slander or make others feel like their views are unimportant). I've become much more politically educated, aware, and active, and feel more connected to both my local society and the world, as well as everything in between. I'm hoping that this interest will carry on, as I believe it's absolutely imperative to take responsibility for your country, and humans as a whole.

That's why I'm going to somewhat hijack this post, as today a decision was made that will affect the world; Donald Trump was elected as President of the United States. I honestly can't believe those words are coming out of my mouth (or at least from my fingers). I'm still kind of coming to terms with it, but that doesn't mean that we can't be ready for anything, and be hopeful for the future. Although I may not have wanted him to have access to the power he will soon yield, I still must accept him as the leader of the free world, and pray that his decisions won't harm too many people too badly.
If you're an American reading this, especially if you're a minority, please do not be afraid. America is still your country, you are still a human being, you still have your rights. Mr. Trump cannot and will not take that away from you, we will not let him. But I'll be completely honest with you; I am worried for everyone in America who is not white, or straight, or a Christian, or a man, or American-born, or is for some other reason on Mr. Trump's hitlist, if you can call it such.
Muslim women, to you I quote a tweet: if you feel the need to not wear your hijab for safety, Allah will understand and forgive you. Please don't put yourself in danger for reasons that could be avoided. Then again, please don't be afraid of expressing yourself and your religion. I'm not afraid of wearing a cross, so you shouldn't have to be afraid of wearing a hijab, or a niqab, or a burkha.
The LGBT+ community, stay strong. Pence will not break you. He cannot 'fix' you because you are not broken. Conversion therapy is not therapy at all, it is torture. Be safe, and hold on to who you truly are. Your real friends and family will accept you for who you are, even if that's not who they want you to be.
Women, and young girls especially, you can do whatever a man can do. You must reach for the moon, reach just as high as men. Your simple anatomy does not define your limitations, your attitude and mindset does. Please, do not be discouraged from dreaming big. Dream bigger than you ever have before, and encourage both your female and male friends to do the same. We cannot be equal if we do not first truly believe we are equal.
POC, we stand with you. History will not be allowed to repeat itself. Our differences make us who we are, and that is never a bad thing, until we start using our differences to hurt one another. Your skin colour does not define your worth. Neither does your gender. Nor your sexuality. Nor your religion. Your actions do.
Please, act right.

From a straight white Christian, we are not all the same.

I detest making my political view so apparent and admittedly biased, but I have tried to see the good in Mr. Trump, and I have come up empty-handed.

Please be safe and trust yourself and your fellow countrymen. We can make this work as an Earth, together.

The Importance Of Friendship

All too often, and particularly by the older generation, friendships are overlooked as trivial and unimportant, whereas truly they are so much more than that. I've been through a time when I had very little, if any, friendship in my life, and I'm sure that either you or someone you know has had the same. If so, then you'll agree that a life without friends is a very tough one indeed. Friends aren't there solely to make you laugh (although that's also extremely important in life), but also to pick you up when you're down, and spend those not-so-funny times with you.
When you're sad, a good friend will be there to cheer you up, just as you will have done when they were upset. When you're happy, a good friend will be there to share the joy with you - this, in essence, is the reward of friendship, if you can analogise it to a game of sorts. If you are truly someone's friend, your heart will lift when you see them smiling, and you will feel their joy as they do.
About a year and a half ago, I was essentially friendless. I was unhappy, of course, but also my physical and mental health were at their worst, and I only left my house to go to school. In contrast, now, my life is full of friendship and happiness and health, and I couldn't be more overjoyed that I have found people whom I am more than proud to call my friends.
Friendship isn't just about happiness, though. A friend is there to talk, to listen, to cry to, and to help you, almost to be your second brain. A one-way friendship will never succeed, as you shouldn't receive without giving, especially not something as precious and personal as friendship. If a friend is seriously ill, you should be there for them, and you should trust that they will be there for you. Even though this oath of trust is so integral to forming a uniting friendship, you still shouldn't blame your friends if they do something wrong, or for a moment have skewed priorities. They are, after all, only human, just as you and I are. we must al remember that everyone makes mistakes, and that's alright as long as we learn from them.

A friend is a brother or sister, a family member, but one that you choose: 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb'. Society has twisted this phrase, and I bet most of you know it only as 'blood is thicker than water', meaning that blood connection are more important than relationships which you have chosen for yourself, but this is not true. That's also not to say that family bonds are unimportant, as I love my family to pieces, but for people who haven't had the rosy experience of family which I have been so lucky to have, I feel that this saying is demeaning and belittles their feelings. The true saying, however, is different but I don't believe it must be opposite. The 'blood of the covenant' means bonds made by choice, which could be either friendships or familial relationships, even though the 'water of the womb' clearly refers only to family.
Please take from this one thing; cherish your relationships with family and friends. A union formed by choice is always important, regardless of whether your DNA is similar or not! A friend can become family, as to me, family doesn't mean related.
It means love.

My Last Heavy Day

why
is my head full of churning wool
an ocean flowing
from my eyes
a swaying body
bleary psyche
a heavy heart
heavy mind
heavy eyes
heavy gun
heavy thoughts
no more

weightless soul
eternal.

                                            -c.h.f

I Am... A College Student

Happy November! A new month marks a new Wednesday series, and this month's is entitled 'I Am...'. Here's the first post of this series: I Am A College Student. Enjoy!

In September this year, I started at sixth from college. From the secondary school I came from, nearly all of my close friends joined me at college, with only a few of them going to different colleges. I'm pretty sure that had this not been the case, I'd have found the transfer a heck of a lot more difficult. Although my friend group has changed hugely since starting sixth form, the first few days were made a lot less lonely by knowing people from secondary school. If you're worried about starting secondary school or college or even university, please don't be! At the beginning, everyone's in the same situation - nervous about knowing no one! It's very easy to make friends, even if you are a little socially awkward (like me, I admit).

With regards to workload, this transfer is also rather hard, but it's just something you have to embrace and work with. In my experience, you get more homework, the lessons are longer (and therefore far more tiring), and the work itself is more thorough and detailed. However, you have free periods during the day which are perfect for homework, meaning that if you're lucky, you won't actually have to do any homework! Longer lessons may seem like a drag to begin with, but you'll soon adapt to a new schedule and will realise you need more time to go through everything thoroughly. The work is more detailed, but you'll learn so much more than at GCSE level, so it's worth it!

But college isn't just work. You'll make new friends, get closer to old friends, and grow as a person yourself because of them. Personally, I adore my new friend group, just as I continue to adore my old friend group, even if I don't see them as often anymore. Their absence may seem sad, but in reality it's not sad; it's life. You'll always have opportunities to change and develop your personality and values, and I think that you should always take them. I started college with a circle of my friends from secondary school and now, not even two months in, I've got to know their new friends, and their friends' friends, and their friends' friends' friends and... 

Another part of college, more so in the second year but it's always good to be prepared, is choosing universities. If you were brought up like me, you'll have been taught that the only acceptable path is school, college, uni, job. That's not actually correct. If you don't want to go to uni, or you don't think enrolling will benefit you, then by no means do you have to go. But even if you don't think uni will be for you, research a few, you may be pleasantly surprised! And remember, not all universities are in your home country - you have the chance to travel!

A couple of months ago, I attended the Fulbright USA College Fair in London. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, but I was very pleasantly surprised. Essentially, it was a chance to meet representatives from hundreds of American universities, and discuss your future options with them. It's so refreshing to speak to someone in person nowadays, as opposed to a cold, impersonal email conversation. If you ever get the chance to attend a seminar or fair or a similar kind, I urge you to go. Even if you don't think you're going to study abroad, you might as well be positive that you don't want to, or have your mind changed. I'm still not too sure what country I want to study in, but the Fulbright fair really opened my eyes to the options I have, and clearly spelled out what I should be doing currently to get myself where I want to go. 

In summary, being a college student is tough. It's long days (hello leaving at 6:30am and getting home at 5:30pm), hard work, and non-stop consolidation learning. But it's also meeting new people, experiencing different cultures, and attaining more independence than you've had before. 

It's new. It's different. But that 100% doesn't mean it's bad.

Don't be scared about change. Change allowed us to evolve into sentient beings (with opposable thumbs!), and change will allow you to flourish. Embrace it.

Petals and People

I wish I was a flower blowing in a summer breeze,
I wish I could sway to and fro, feeding all the bees.
I wish I would be looked upon with love and adoration,
Beautiful as a rose, bright as a carnation.

Instead I am but glanced upon, then at once forgotten.
For I am not a precious bud, I'm much less silk than cotton.
So yes I do wish that I looked so elegant and splendid,
But the beauty of a flower cannot ever be contended.

A human being cannot sway, pushed only by the air,
A human being instead can feel that wind whip through their hair.
For I am not a flower, I cannot ever be,
But I am something even greater: I, my dear, am me.

                                            -c.h.f

When You Feel Down

Stop
 think
  destroy
   create
    dream
     change
      experience
       improve
Start
       living

                                            -c.h.f